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Sunday, January 22, 2012

2011, where did you go?

She says....

When I wrote my January 2011 post reflecting on 2010 I was in no way prepared for how quickly 2011 would fly past and that before I knew it here I would be, with not much else written or said in between, writing my reflections on 2011.

What a year 2011 was.  Turbulent, challenging, terrifying are words that come to mind.  Would I do it again - only if I absolutely had to!  The fact that there has been nothing posted to this blog since July is testament to two things - we've just been too damn busy and secondly, sometimes we didn't want to think about life, love and the universe because our thoughts were too jumbled to formulate any coherent opinions.

We were more stressed out in 2011 than at any other time in our lives.  A new business and all that it entails is not for the faint-hearted and at times we clung to each other in sheer terror not knowing if or when we would see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Thankfully, that light is peeking through and we are a lot less frustrated.  I spent a large part of 2011 carrying around guilt that I thought would destroy me. Mr Rocker had changed career paths and given up a rewarding career (and to a large extent, the way he defined himself) to move home to be with me full-time.  Yes, there were other reasons why we wanted to do this, long-term goals and all of that, but in the dark of night my illogical brain kept telling me that I had made him stressed and unhappy. Worst part was that I felt like I could not "fix" him.  Being the control freak that I am, I was so angry and frustrated with myself that I was probably not the easiest person to live with.  Thankfully too, this seems to have passed as business issues improved.

The first year without our children at home full-time has been interesting.  We see them every three weeks or so and we love our time with them.  It means we are more focussed parents when we are with them and spend quality time together.  It obviously also means that we've been able to work horrible hours to get the new business off the ground.  Both children have had an outstanding 2011 achieving fantastic academic results and turning into two very responsible, well-adjusted teens.  We are incredibly proud of both of them and the way they have adjusted to life boarding at a school in a different country.

We have also taken steps to simplify our domestic situation.  We have moved into a more suburban environment and we are enjoying the freedom that non-farm life has given us.  Utilities on tap and fewer staffing issues have taken a huge amount of pressure off us and we're loving a simpler home life.  Moving house was a challenge but one that we cope with more easily than most families as we've done it so often (we've lived in 17 houses in 23 years together!).  Our new home is comfortable and happy, and is far more suited to our family situation as it is now.

Okay, now the bits that the regular readers would want to know about..... Life with Mr Rocker home 99% of the time has settled into a wonderful routine of work, home, exercise, evenings spent together and fantastic sex!  If I could forget 2011 I would for every reason except the sexual encounters we've shared this past year.  Those I could never forget - they are burnt into my memory for an eternity.  We are lucky that despite the stresses of the year, we found comfort in each other and we continued to work hard at our relationship.  Regardless of how raw our emotions were, we still wanted, more than anything, to be together.  I was just not able to face a life of not waking up to the man I love every day.  We had spent too much time apart and needed to be together.  I was prepared to do whatever it took to ensure that I got to look into his eyes every morning.

As I look at 2012, I cannot help but feel positive.  I learnt in 2011 that no matter how tough life is, if you share a vision with the one you love, you can get through just about anything.  2012 is going to be my year.  I have no scientific basis for this belief, but I hope that when I reflect on 2012 I can say "I told you so".

Here's wishing you and yours a fantastic 2012!