Bad boys are for fucking: the follow-up

 He Says...

Some time back I blogged about the speculation surrounding Mrs Rocker's cousin and whether she would marry Mr Nice Guy or gravitate back to the Bad Boys for whom she seemed to have more of an affinity. You can read here. I wrote a little about why all girls need a Bad Boy in their lives to offset the predictability of Mr Pipe-and-slippers-sensible-family-sedan-nice guy-in-a-bow-tie. Well, there has been a further development. The Rockers were on the verge of booking their air tickets and relishing the opportunity to use the excuse of a family wedding to go and misbehave in another Big Bad City, as well as... ahem... pay our respects to the bride and groom of course. The dates were fixed but the invitation never came. We waited and waited and then started asking questions before clicking on the “Book Now” button for air tickets. Stoney silence. “Aha!” I exclaimed! Sandra has shrunk away from old leather crustiness in favour of tassled leather-clad men and riding pillion on Harleys.

The real story was a little more complicated it turns out, but nonetheless blogworthy...

It turns out, there has been a bit of a fall-out between Sandra and future Posh Mum-in-Law. Now Mrs Mum-Posh has been a little look-down-the-nose at humble-beginnings-wrong-side-of-the-tracks Sandra (who by the way is a spunky funky feisty chick who I think is awesome), as only future mum-in-laws can be. The tacit disapproval has manifested itself as interference and general unpleasantness. But the crowning turd in the water pipe, the nil plus ultra of mom-in-law heinous crimes against future daughter-in-law was that one morning while Sandra was at work, Mrs Posh let herself into her son and Sandra's home and redecorated their main bedroom with new curtains, bedding and other soft furnishings.

If at this stage there are any young men reading and thinking “Way cool! What's the big deal?” pull up a chair my friend, you have a lot to learn...

First of all- Don't EVER underestimate just how territorial women are.

Secondly- A couple's bedroom should be the inner-most private untouchable sanctum. Nobody should trespass there let alone redecorate it. It's a couple's haven, their retreat, their boudoir. Can you imagine a poor Sandra lying flat on her back being shagged senseless all the while staring up at the floral curtains her mother-in-law snuck in to put up, having ripped down the ones that were already there?

As a 40 year old man married for 15 years, I realise only too acutely now the spectre that a husband's mother poses for a prospective or current wife. But I didn't always and I was probably one of the young guys for which the heinous significance of the bedroom-redecorating stunt would have gone completely over my head. But what's this blog about if it can't dispense wisdom to young guys who would like their princesses to be perpetually wanton?

So there are two noteworthy points I'd like to make here-

1) Mums of Sons- try to remember how you were as a young prospective mate to the boy of your dreams and treat your future daughter-in-laws the way you would wish to have been treated at the time regardless of the fact that you have given birth to and raised your beloved son who is now about to leave you for somebody else.

2) Husbands and Husbands-to-be- Don't laugh off the magnitude of what a big deal your mother is, what a huge spectre in your wife/girlfriend's life she actually is. If you want your wife/wife-to-be to become and remain an insatiable sex-vixen, however harsh it sounds, your mum needs to be demoted to a distant no. 2 amongst the women in your life. And for heaven sake, don't condone your mom ripping down your wife's décor and replacing it with her own in your boudoir.

Mothers of Bad Boys would never do such a stupid thing, if only because they are either in jail or rehab. But that's preferable to what poor Sandra has had to endure.

The Long Silence

She says......

I am shocked to see how time has flown since my last post.  I ask myself, "so, Mrs Rocker, what has kept you silent for so long?”  The answer I'm afraid is neither sensationalist or emotional.  Pure fact, more like it - we've been travelling a lot and we've been damn busy.

New businesses are not for the faint-hearted and neither myself or Mr Rocker has had the time to be sprouting social theories.  We've had to focus on earning a living and making a worthwhile contribution to our long-term success.  It's been long hours in the office, periods of intense frustration but very positive too.  Following our long separation, being together daily has made all the stress worthwhile.  

The second, probably more shocking reason, is that I simply do not have much to write about.  I follow a number of blogs and all their writers state that they had an emotional need or quest that started and keeps them writing.  I started blogging because I was trying to find a better understanding of who I am in the world and whether there were actually other women like me - women who were unapologetically "women", who had a strong sense of themselves and above all, who are fundamentally sexual beings.  I found them.  It has been a wonderful discovery and I have settled down into a comfort zone fueled by brilliant and strong women - Ladylike Pervert, Cinful Cinnamon, ah the list goes on.  Their affirmation and interesting opinions have kept me thinking and questioning, when I have the time of course.  I have missed my blog buddies and have to admit to still checking their sites daily, even if I don’t get around to commenting.  You girls rock my world!  I’ve met a few interesting men online too and I’m happy that there are other women in the world who are married to strong, thinking men like Mr Rocker.

The Rockers are well and happy though.  We have settled into a good routine broken by much travel and some fantastic sexual encounters.  Is life good?  You bet.

Girls who like horses can also like lap-dances

He says...

Oh my word, writers-block doesn't even begin to describe my fuzzy unprolific brain.

But I have to give update on the Horse Girl I wrote about in the April post...

Mrs Rocker and a colleague went to the Big Bad City last week on a marketing conference for a few days. Mrs Rocker had an awesome time for the most part (she can tell you all about it!). Part of the fun was going to be a trip to “Tease Hers”, the lady's counterpart to the Teazers which is a gentleman's club. Ok who am I kidding? Teazers is basically an upmarket strip club franchise, Tease Hers is the sister-club for women, a strip joint for girls. You can check them out here http://teazehers.teazers.co.za Anyway, there was some playful banter around the office about the trip to Tease Hers when Mrs Rocker and her colleague returned. This banter was within earshot of Horse Girl. In the midst of the banter, Horse Girl shocks everybody by chipping in and bemoaning how the entrance cover charge at Teaze Hers has gone up to 300 bucks and it costs another 300 bucks for a lap dance! After a shocked pause I managed to stammer “Yeah the cost of living is getting ridiculous”...  

Back to the drawing board for me, I'm not as good at figuring people out as I thought.

Happy Easter

She says....

Whilst I fully realise that Easter holds particular significance for many people, I am an irreligious person.  However, that being said, for the next four days I will be very grateful to the faithful in this life who have deemed these four days a holiday.  In the spirit of goodwill and appreciation, I will be spending it with my family and friends, celebrating the value that they add to my life.  I intend to cuddle with my daughter, tucked up warm in my bed and have try to get my teenage son to communicate his thoughts to me.  Best of all, Mr Rocker and I will get to have lazy mornings spent chatting in bed, caffeine overloads of note and long evenings debating the social wrongs in the world.  I wish all our readers a happy Easter (whether you celebrate it or abuse its benefits as I do) and more importantly, I wish you some quality time with your loved ones.

Why horses and jeans are better than men

 He says...

A known fact, I heard it somewhere and I'm blogging it so it must be true- the average woman in the world today has a longer and more fulfilling relationship with her favourite pair of jeans than she does any man in her life. Sad as it is, I LOVE that statistic, it says so much about the world today. It seems ridiculous at first, but think about it. Think about the divorce rate. Think of how quickly after marriage divorces are happening these days. Think about marriages that survive but become passionless. Now think about your favourite pair of jeans currently in your wardrobe. Think about how they are always there for you and never let you down. Think about how long you've had them and how much longer you intend to keep them, think about how sad it's going to be when they are too tatty to wear and you have to throw them out. Sigh if only you could do the same with men that become tatty! Or cut their legs off to give them another lease on life.

There is a new girl working on Mr Rockers floor... A young girl, early twenties, not unattractive. She is the new receptionist working in Mrs Rockers part of the business.  I've blogged here about how I don't suffer from the sad affliction of lusting after younger girls when arriving at the princely age of 40. There's no exception here, even if I were a bit more typical, there's not a great deal to lust after in the conventional sense. But you see, I'm interested. I'm interested in how women move and carry themselves and what that belies about their life story. How do they feel about themselves? How do they feel about men? Are they interested in sex? Are they comfortable in their own skin? Are they carrying a sadness and do they bear some scars? Do they perceive themselves as being a victim of circumstance? Are they a victim of circumstance? While most men are assessing tits and ass, this is the check list I'm working through. Well maybe subconsciously I work through the T&A check list first.

From the moment I saw this girl it was obvious that she carried a sadness that permeates so screamingly loud into her demeanour- Don't look at me, don't talk to me, don't try to be kind to me, don't try to be my friend. Just a grey, passionless existence. But then I saw she has a tattoo. There's a glimmer of something here!

I don't understand tattoos, I don't have a firm opinion of about what it says about a woman who has one or some. Same goes for piercings. I'm not yet aware of a stereotypical pigeon hole that you can place a woman into if she has a tattoo or piercing. But for me, a tattoo at the very least says that the owner is, or at some stage was passionate enough about something to adorn herself with a picture or a word.

It turns out, she has her horse's name tattooed onto her wrist. So here is a girl that carries herself with a prickly “don't come near me” demeanour, with her horse's name tatooed on her wrist. She look and interacts with humans through sad glazed eyes, but loves her horse dearly.

People are free to love whoever/whatever they like. It saddens me though that humans in general and probably men in particular can be so hateful so as to crush a human spirit so early in somebody's life making equine solace preferable to the solace and love one can get from one's own species, as I suspect may be the case here.

Oh, and she comes to work in the same pair of jeans virtually every day.

Sex sells...

 He says...

Though I'm a lay-Sociologist, sometimes I can't supress my vocation and the Scientist in me succumbs to the irresistible urge to analyse data and draw conclusions. The Rockers have scientifically proved that sordid revelations are what bring feet through your blog! If you don't believe us, check this out...

 So bloggers of the world, what are you waiting for?! Go out there and do something sexually controversial!

Every Couple’s Pocket-Guide to Threesomes: Chapter 1- The Right Mind-Set

He says...

While I'm busy tapping out Every Couple's Pocket-Guide to Threesomes: Chapter 2- The Early Years, for sake of completeness here is Chapter 1. Thanks to Lady-Like Pervert, this already appeared on her fantastic blog as a guest contribution for which I feel extremely honoured....   

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I suddenly feel kinda responsible for the consequences that may befall couples across the globe who were ever curious about threesomes, particularly MMF threesomes and were perhaps considering actually doing it. I feel obliged therefore to say a little more…

There are any number of sources of sage advice out there saying don’t venture into threesomes unless you are 100% strong and secure in your relationship yadda yadda yadda. Ho hum. Ho hum. It’s screamingly obvious and tedious to even mention. There are thousands of Sexual Health Practitioners out there who say it with more grumpy gravity than me. Let’s not dwell on the bleeding obvious in the Hallowed Halls of Lady-Like Blog Space.

Perhaps nearly as obvious are recommended time-lags between exploring the concept and making a decision to try to orchestrate the many factors for it to happen. Discussing the concept Tuesday afternoon and ending up in the sack by Thursday lunch-time is asking for trouble. Again that’s ho hum obvious. Between Mr Rocker dropping the “I’d really like for you to have a threesome with me and another guy. Could you pass the mashed potato please.” bombshell and mutual agreement took 5 years. Between agreement and actually doing it, another 5 months. During the 5 years and 5 months, there were hours and hours and hours of discussion, examining every single angle and implication, with not a small amount of hot sex fuelled by the potential excitement and ideas. Moving three steps forward to it being a reality, then four steps backward. Five forward, and three backward. That’s a net gain of one step forward. That’s how it goes. Everything has a natural pace.

When the Rockers fell in love 23 years ago, our catch phrase was stolen from the lyrics of Folk Rock musician Al Stewart who sang “Nothing that’s forced can ever be right, if it doesn’t come naturally leave it”. 23 years later we still laugh about it and have revisited the phrase during our ongoing journey of sensual abandon, especially since Al Stewart cheerfully carries on to sing the next line of the song “That’s what they said as they turned out the light, and bent their backs as slaves to the night”. But the key here is exactly what Mr Stewart says. Naturally. I can’t say it any more eloquently than he does. If it doesn’t come naturally, leave it!

If there is a single ounce of doubt that doing something as risque as having a threesome with your wife/hubby and AN Other is going to create drama, run for the hills, away from the concept.

When you are used to sex being exclusively integral to your intimacy as a couple, don’t try it. If you’re not having wild wicked debauched purely recreational sex with your significant other from time to time, you’re not ready yet. Sex-life progression is about going through 1) experimentation 2) procreation 3) recreation and sadly, 4) stagnation. If you’re not firmly at stage 3), you’re probably not in the right place. I also believe that once you’re in stage 4), trying threesomes as a remedy is doomed to failure. The trick is never to let yourself get to stage 4) in the first place because few couples ever make it back from there. The Rockers Blog is all about questioning why so many couples end up in stage 4). It’s so sad.

So if you’re a man and like the idea of having a hot threesome with your wife but don’t know how to get your wife to consider it, I’m not sure I can strongly recommend what you SHOULD do, but I know what you SHOULDN’T do. Who’s ever heard of the famous quote “the desire to become a politician should ban you for life from ever becoming one”… I feel the same way about men’s clichéd propensity for wanting a threesome with two women, especially if it’s at the exclusion of considering the opposite ratio. It’s the wrong way to go. It’s going to heap upon you disdainful suspicion of being stereotypically male. Advertising your desire to have an FFM threesome is likely to guarantee that you never get anything of the sort.
If there’s a single necessary ingredient required for a marriage’s sexual experimentation to continuously soar to ever greater heights I would phrase it as “Freedom of the mind to explore the art of the possible”…. Freedom of the mind means being free to express an opinion or a desire without fear of harsh judgement. Only if you know there will be no harsh judgement in the cold light of day, can it ever be safe to consider exploring the reality. In this patriarchal world, it’s largely the man in a relationship who’s prerogative it is, or who has the ability engender circumstances conducive to exploration. So men of the world, listen up. Rightly or wrongly it’s you who has the power to unlock The Vixen in your loved one and let her out to explore.

Do that and you may end up in the situation that the Rockers did last Saturday night… rejoining a party after an hour-long absence, Mrs Rocker wearing slightly bashful grin that may as well have been a tattoo on her forehead in large font which read “Hello everyone, I’m back, and in case you didn’t already guess, I just fucked the two hottest guys at the party, and if you can’t deal with that, it’s your fucking problem not mine”.

The Threesome Thing in Pink

She says….

Okay, now that most of you have choked on your coffee and come up with some opinions of your own, I think it’s important to give you my perspective on what has been a potentially a life-changing experience for me.

This was not some drunken escapade.  It’s not a situation that we fell into.  It’s something we’ve been talking about and analyzing for so long that at one point it seemed that that was where it would stay – a thought.  I was stone cold sober and aware of every second of the night.  And boy, am I glad that I was.  There’s not a thing I’d like to forget. 

We have good chemistry with the other man.  He’s not some desperado – he’s a strong man in his own right - successful, intelligent and has an awesome sense of humour.  Both Mr Rocker and I enjoy his company and even if we never got naked with him again, we’d still be friends with him and have a drink every now then.  Above all, he’s well-groomed, good looking and discreet.  He has a genuine appreciation of women, not merely as sexual beings.  That level of respect is important to me. 

I do not feel that anything has been taken away from my marriage or my feelings for Mr Rocker.  Quite to the contrary, having had a self-esteem boost like this had made me feel valued and loved. Mr Rocker has shown that he is not possessive, selfish or threatened by other men.  He was a fundamental part of an evening that made me feel like a princess and I’ve come out of it more secure in my relationship with him than going into it. 

I have had insecurity issues all my life and at times have made Mr Rocker’s life miserable because I have been so frightened of being abandoned.  I had never been with another man, I met Mr Rocker young and have only ever had a sexual relationship with him.  I could never contemplate a life without him because I knew no other.  If he left me I’d be alone for the rest of my life.  This is all illogical and cannot be plotted on a continuum of reasonableness, but then most things in life can’t.  I now feel so differently.  I know that Mr R is in this relationship because he wants to be, not because it’s all he knows.  I know that I am desirable and hell, if he left, some other man would find me attractive so I have the potential of finding happiness elsewhere.    I am in my marriage not because I have to be or have no alternatives, but because I choose to be. 

There is nothing lacking in the Rockers’ sexual relationship.  We have regular and great sex.  We share a level of intimacy that has threatened other relationships in our lives – we always put each other first. And we will continue to do so.  There is a big difference between a sexual act and being intimate with someone.  The sexual act lasts a short while, it may feel good but soon the glow dims.  True intimacy has to be protected at all costs.  Intimacy is how your love for one another translates into all areas of your life not just your sex life.  Were we intimate with Mr Other Man?  No way.  We had fun, but that’s where it ends. If we never heard from him again, our lives would be no poorer.   We all know that there are people who are serial adulterers, am I one?  I don’t think so.  How can an act that includes my husband be adulterous?  I have not only his blessing, but he was an active participant and had a good time.   

So, decide for yourself what is right for you.  This was a choice made freely and actively, not something that I was cajoled into. I don’t feel degraded, used or ashamed of what we have done.  I had a really good time and given the opportunity, will be right back there, with Mr Rocker at my side.   

The MMF Threesome Cliffhanger...

 He says...

I'm crap at sex-blogging, you may have noticed. I'm happy to set the scene and give the setting, but the detail is probably like an annoying blind-spot for those who want to know the full juicy picture. I skirt around the details and let you fill in the blanks. While I love the sex, I love standing back and thinking about the implications of encounters and experiences and what it all means in a modern society. So this post, and probably the next few after it, is likely to be low on juicy detail and rich in ponderous deliberation! For me, there is considerable eroticism in suggestion and hints, the details can be filled in by the readers.

But yes okay, while not a deafening and hysterical chorus, there is a duet of “tell us more!”

So to answer the cliff-hanger from the previous post...

Did it happen? Oh yes.

How did it happen, what was the build-up? Not telling. Who did what to whom? Not telling. Will it ever happen again? Probably. Was it good? It was awesome! Did Mrs Rocker enjoy it? She loved it. Who was the other man? Not telling. Was it tasteful, respectful of Mrs Rockers desires and erotic all at the same time? You bet it was.

That's it people! That's all you're getting for now! I mean really, this is not some cheap sensationalist blogging trick and like I said, neither is it a sex blog! If you want the sensuous deets, email Mrs Rocker, those of you that have her email address, and maybe she'll reveal all (but I doubt it!). I'm an amateur sociologist remember and I dispense home-made crackpot sociological theories as a hobby to amuse myself and corrupt the world, so brace yourselves my hearties.

12 hours after publishing the previous post, and some 48 hours after indulging in the kind of antics that would have us stoned to death in several Middle Eastern countries, I woke up to news footage on CNN of men with beards running riot in Bangladesh protesting the awarding of equal rights to women. “Geez” I said to Mrs Rocker, “they know in Daka already what we did!”.

But just as bad as grumpy zealots feeling threatened by empowered women, there is a modern Western equivalent. The men don't necessarily wear long robes and have beards and they don't always brandish sticks, but they may as well do. And that's my point- i.e. that it's a patently unfair world when it comes to sexual politics, even in the West! Until a woman is free to proudly proclaim her liking of the idea of having two guys at once, the world ain't as free as we think it is.

I'm not stupid enough to deny that MMF threesomes are not for everybody, the male brain and rampant ego is programmed to blot out such possibilities. But it's an indisputable biological fact that women were designed to be pleasured by more than one man. Perhaps what is in dispute is the time lag between one guy and the next. And I'm all for bringing that time lag down to um... zero! And I speak from experience.

And if just one man reads this and thinks “Hey, maybe this guy has a point”, I've done my job.

Hot MMF Threesome Anyone?

He says...

This blog spends a little time now and then examining some aspects of the Rockers relationship, a relationship which is perhaps a little unconventional in some ways. There are hints of the fact that as a father and a husband, I think a little differently, I try not to be clichéd and avoid at all costs the two biggest evils in the world- 1) The Male Ego and 2) Selfishness.

Of all sexual clichés in this world, every man's fantasy of having sex with two girls at once is probably the most tiresome. Make no mistake, I'm not adverse to the idea, I would probably jump at the opportunity, but what's tiresome about it is that it's out there in bright flashing lights as a perfectly acceptable ambition for most men. But yet women are not afforded similar rights to proudly vocalise their out-of-the ordinary sexual ambitions of a similar nature. No fair.

It seems to be something of a taboo for women to own up to quite liking the idea of an altogether different ratio, having sex with two guys at the same time. But come on people, think about it for a second, besides the fact that society in general steers clear of accepting it into the mainstream of spank banks (thanks Mrs LadyLike Pervert for the term), doesn't two guys and a girl make a bit more anatomical sense than two girls and a guy? How many erogenous zones on a guy? Just the one of course. If that. How many erogenous zone on a girl? Rather than count them (we'd be here all day), let's just concede for the purposes of this blog there are more than a lone man can realistically hope to attend to just by himself.

I'd love to see a real poll asking what percentage of women given the chance would like to experience being at the centre of adoring gentlemanly attention, where said attention is skilfully and respectfully administered by more than one guy in a sensuous MMF threesome, or even MMMF moresome. Or as many M's as you want. I'm pretty sure there'd be a lot of feminine, well-manicured hands in the air saying “yes please, me, me, me”, but nah, there seems to be something of a societal gag-order on vocalising one's approval. It's our old enemy The Male Ego I'm afraid.

I'd like to live in a world where such fantasies or even the realities enjoyed an equal acknowledgement. I take my hat off to some unconventional advertising campaigns that include tasteful images of sensuous multi-men scenarios, such as the Calvin Klein billboard image below which apparently caused a huge outcry when it was plastered in its 3-storey glory alongside American freeways.

What if I were to plunge this blog into a sensational chorus of “tell us more!” (from all um... three of our readers), by hinting ever so subtly that the Rockers have fronted-up to challenge of confounding unjust, one-sided sexual clichés.... What if I were to bring back our flagging readership by tantalisingly suggesting that the Rockers have done more than just theorising that two-guys-and-a-girl threesomes are what all girls need?