He says

This weekend the Rockers found themselves at a wedding. (But only after a major logistical effort to get there given our crazy life. Mr Rocker flies on Friday night from City A to City B in Country C, Mrs Rocker and brood drive from City D in Country E to City F in Country C and then fly to City B, we all meet up at the airport, though Mrs and Brood are 3 hours delayed, then we do the whole thing in reverse on Sunday and we are now once again in separate countries. Such is our life.)

At this wedding, even if I do say so myself, we were quite a fetching couple, we stay in shape without being ridiculous about it, we are well groomed and we dress well.

Without leering or ogling around the venue, I noticed at a stage that I had the immense privilege of having the hottest date at the wedding, i.e. Mrs Rocker. Even the bride exclaimed upon seeing Mrs R “OMG! You are so hot!”. I've learnt over many years, often the hard way, the value and importance of regular compliments to making your partner know that she is the supreme goddess. But now here was a poser- how to break it to her that of all the women in the venue, my wife was the most desirable and would be the most sought-after to have in your bed, and that many men at the wedding would be imagining exactly that. To put it in more basic terms, Mrs Rocker was by far the most fuckable girl there.

This is what I needed to tell her, there was simply no other way to really say it, and in any case I have a sneaky feeling that being the most deliciously fuckable girl in the room is really EXACTLY what women want to to be. In addition to being treasured and looked after, you also want to be DESIRED, but I think that fact is reluctantly admitted to by nice girls.

So to take your girl quietly aside and whisper in her ear the telling facts regarding where she rates amongst her fellow revellers in the fuckability stakes, can be a bit of a risk. But I figured the setting was elegant, there was a warm ocean breeze dusting gently over the tasteful and immaculately laid-out tables and so I figured my stark but elegantly whispered statement would be conveniently padded by someone else's effort at creating a romantic setting. Mrs Rocker took it very well, and I saw her surveying the venue somewhat. While she didn't dispute it immediately, later on she pointed out all the young beautiful girls. What about them?

“Ah, but they're not fuckable in the least bit” I truthfully told her.

“Yeah right”.

“They aren't”

“Yeah right”

And so on. So I tried to explain why young girls are not fuckable from my perspective, and I probably made a hash of it, so I'm trying again...

Why? Because they are too young! Now I'm quite able to appreciate youthful 25-year old beauty when I see it, but I absolutely freeze in reluctant terror at the thought of being responsible for the sexual growth and adventure of a 25 year old and taking that on as a project at this stage of my life. That job is best left to their fellow 25 year-old wet-behind-the-ears rock-hard (yes older ladies, they have their uses, it's justifiable for YOU to shop outside the age group!) eager young men. Let them be blissful in their mutual sexual ignorance. Let them grow and discover together and progress to that delicious sexual awareness and appreciation that hits home somewhere in your thirties. But please, leave me out of it, I've had my turn. Call me a lazy ass, but I really couldn't be bothered to take that project on. How do you convince a 25 year old who's head is still full of what church, mom and the media taught her, that it's okay to question the nice-girl vanilla missionary norms and that clits and lust were given to you for a very good reason? Answer? You don't! You stay away.

To me, it's cretinous to look down the age groups and lust after the barely post-nubiles, stupidly ignoring all the true delights on offer closer to age-parity. The media contention that lusting after nubiles is hard-coded into us thanks to evolution is just a convenient excuse as far as I'm concerned. Chasing woolly mammoths and clubbing them to death was also hard-coded into us, but with the help of the modern supermarket, we conveniently unlearned it. So then why do men REALLY behave like idiots and lust after younger women? I believe it's because we feel threatened by sexually informed and empowered older women. Men would far rather opt for somebody lower down on the learning curve so their sexual short-comings aren't exposed. So next time you see the older, well-to-do man with the younger trophy-partner on his arm - think “Lousy, lazy lover! Good riddance!” When I see it, I don't get envious, I rub my hands with glee at the anticipation that somewhere out there there is another switched-on, turned-on, tuned-in older woman who knows exactly what she wants, but he couldn't give it to her. I'd rather front-up to the bigger challenge of taking on a highly sexual, somewhat hedonistic, sexually calculating, knows-nearly-exactly-what-she-wants sexy thirty-something Mrs Rocker every day of the week.

So that, Mrs Rocker, is why you were the most deliciously fuckable girl at the wedding. Do I make myself clear now?