Schools for boys and schools for girls

She says....


We had an informal meeting (glass of wine in hand-chatting like old friends) with our daughter's school Principal recently.  Not a scheduled meeting - she was doing a marketing visit to our hometown so we had an informal meet-and-greet. Mr Rocker and I were the last to leave and she offered us a glass of wine. We chatted about school politics, what parents want out of a school and why we chose the schools we did.  She raised some very interesting points, but one stands out for me.


Just to give you some background - this is a very old school, as in nearly 140 years old.  That's a whole lotta history and a whole lotta tradition.  It is also an Anglican school - that means even more history and more tradition with religious rites thrown in for good measure.  The interesting thing about this particular school though is that despite its strong patriarchal history, it is very much a modern, forward-thinking institution. 


The principal is an amazingly strong character and is one of the main reasons why the school appealed to both Mr R and I.  Her husband has followed her to this particular posting, instead of the other way round, which is the norm in our neck of the woods.  She believes very strongly in the place of women in the workforce and the ability (and necessity) of woman holding top positions in companies.  She's our kinda girl.  Our daughter's education is being guided by a woman who supports my theory that a man is not a pension fund and wants every girl who passes through the halls of her school to be emotionally strong and financially independent.  What a goal.


What struck a cord with me though is her questioning of school leadership and gender bias.  In Southern Africa it is the norm to have single-sex schools.  It is also the norm for a boys' school to have a male head but also perfectly acceptable for a girls' school to have a male head.  There is not a single boys' school that I am aware of that has a female head.  Why?  I'll tell you why, because we've always accepted that girls can be led by men but the flip side of a woman leading boys to excellence is a totally foreign concept.  Our son's school (the brother school to his sister's) is an equally old and prestigious school.  No one would ever suggest that it have a female head but the girls' school has had more than one male principal in its recent history. If the girls can benefit from strong male leadership, then surely the boys could benefit from strong female leadership?  Does this suggest that my son can only reach his full potential if his education is driven by a man and that a woman is only "good enough" for my daughter and not my son? This bias infuriates me.


I'd love to hear about schools where this is not the case - boys' schools with female heads.  Please tell me that somewhere out there in the world someone has seen the light.

Bad boys are for fucking: the follow-up

 He Says...

Some time back I blogged about the speculation surrounding Mrs Rocker's cousin and whether she would marry Mr Nice Guy or gravitate back to the Bad Boys for whom she seemed to have more of an affinity. You can read here. I wrote a little about why all girls need a Bad Boy in their lives to offset the predictability of Mr Pipe-and-slippers-sensible-family-sedan-nice guy-in-a-bow-tie. Well, there has been a further development. The Rockers were on the verge of booking their air tickets and relishing the opportunity to use the excuse of a family wedding to go and misbehave in another Big Bad City, as well as... ahem... pay our respects to the bride and groom of course. The dates were fixed but the invitation never came. We waited and waited and then started asking questions before clicking on the “Book Now” button for air tickets. Stoney silence. “Aha!” I exclaimed! Sandra has shrunk away from old leather crustiness in favour of tassled leather-clad men and riding pillion on Harleys.

The real story was a little more complicated it turns out, but nonetheless blogworthy...

It turns out, there has been a bit of a fall-out between Sandra and future Posh Mum-in-Law. Now Mrs Mum-Posh has been a little look-down-the-nose at humble-beginnings-wrong-side-of-the-tracks Sandra (who by the way is a spunky funky feisty chick who I think is awesome), as only future mum-in-laws can be. The tacit disapproval has manifested itself as interference and general unpleasantness. But the crowning turd in the water pipe, the nil plus ultra of mom-in-law heinous crimes against future daughter-in-law was that one morning while Sandra was at work, Mrs Posh let herself into her son and Sandra's home and redecorated their main bedroom with new curtains, bedding and other soft furnishings.

If at this stage there are any young men reading and thinking “Way cool! What's the big deal?” pull up a chair my friend, you have a lot to learn...

First of all- Don't EVER underestimate just how territorial women are.

Secondly- A couple's bedroom should be the inner-most private untouchable sanctum. Nobody should trespass there let alone redecorate it. It's a couple's haven, their retreat, their boudoir. Can you imagine a poor Sandra lying flat on her back being shagged senseless all the while staring up at the floral curtains her mother-in-law snuck in to put up, having ripped down the ones that were already there?

As a 40 year old man married for 15 years, I realise only too acutely now the spectre that a husband's mother poses for a prospective or current wife. But I didn't always and I was probably one of the young guys for which the heinous significance of the bedroom-redecorating stunt would have gone completely over my head. But what's this blog about if it can't dispense wisdom to young guys who would like their princesses to be perpetually wanton?

So there are two noteworthy points I'd like to make here-

1) Mums of Sons- try to remember how you were as a young prospective mate to the boy of your dreams and treat your future daughter-in-laws the way you would wish to have been treated at the time regardless of the fact that you have given birth to and raised your beloved son who is now about to leave you for somebody else.

2) Husbands and Husbands-to-be- Don't laugh off the magnitude of what a big deal your mother is, what a huge spectre in your wife/girlfriend's life she actually is. If you want your wife/wife-to-be to become and remain an insatiable sex-vixen, however harsh it sounds, your mum needs to be demoted to a distant no. 2 amongst the women in your life. And for heaven sake, don't condone your mom ripping down your wife's décor and replacing it with her own in your boudoir.

Mothers of Bad Boys would never do such a stupid thing, if only because they are either in jail or rehab. But that's preferable to what poor Sandra has had to endure.

The Long Silence

She says......

I am shocked to see how time has flown since my last post.  I ask myself, "so, Mrs Rocker, what has kept you silent for so long?”  The answer I'm afraid is neither sensationalist or emotional.  Pure fact, more like it - we've been travelling a lot and we've been damn busy.

New businesses are not for the faint-hearted and neither myself or Mr Rocker has had the time to be sprouting social theories.  We've had to focus on earning a living and making a worthwhile contribution to our long-term success.  It's been long hours in the office, periods of intense frustration but very positive too.  Following our long separation, being together daily has made all the stress worthwhile.  

The second, probably more shocking reason, is that I simply do not have much to write about.  I follow a number of blogs and all their writers state that they had an emotional need or quest that started and keeps them writing.  I started blogging because I was trying to find a better understanding of who I am in the world and whether there were actually other women like me - women who were unapologetically "women", who had a strong sense of themselves and above all, who are fundamentally sexual beings.  I found them.  It has been a wonderful discovery and I have settled down into a comfort zone fueled by brilliant and strong women - Ladylike Pervert, Cinful Cinnamon, ah the list goes on.  Their affirmation and interesting opinions have kept me thinking and questioning, when I have the time of course.  I have missed my blog buddies and have to admit to still checking their sites daily, even if I don’t get around to commenting.  You girls rock my world!  I’ve met a few interesting men online too and I’m happy that there are other women in the world who are married to strong, thinking men like Mr Rocker.

The Rockers are well and happy though.  We have settled into a good routine broken by much travel and some fantastic sexual encounters.  Is life good?  You bet.

Girls who like horses can also like lap-dances

He says...

Oh my word, writers-block doesn't even begin to describe my fuzzy unprolific brain.

But I have to give update on the Horse Girl I wrote about in the April post...

Mrs Rocker and a colleague went to the Big Bad City last week on a marketing conference for a few days. Mrs Rocker had an awesome time for the most part (she can tell you all about it!). Part of the fun was going to be a trip to “Tease Hers”, the lady's counterpart to the Teazers which is a gentleman's club. Ok who am I kidding? Teazers is basically an upmarket strip club franchise, Tease Hers is the sister-club for women, a strip joint for girls. You can check them out here http://teazehers.teazers.co.za Anyway, there was some playful banter around the office about the trip to Tease Hers when Mrs Rocker and her colleague returned. This banter was within earshot of Horse Girl. In the midst of the banter, Horse Girl shocks everybody by chipping in and bemoaning how the entrance cover charge at Teaze Hers has gone up to 300 bucks and it costs another 300 bucks for a lap dance! After a shocked pause I managed to stammer “Yeah the cost of living is getting ridiculous”...  

Back to the drawing board for me, I'm not as good at figuring people out as I thought.

Happy Easter

She says....

Whilst I fully realise that Easter holds particular significance for many people, I am an irreligious person.  However, that being said, for the next four days I will be very grateful to the faithful in this life who have deemed these four days a holiday.  In the spirit of goodwill and appreciation, I will be spending it with my family and friends, celebrating the value that they add to my life.  I intend to cuddle with my daughter, tucked up warm in my bed and have try to get my teenage son to communicate his thoughts to me.  Best of all, Mr Rocker and I will get to have lazy mornings spent chatting in bed, caffeine overloads of note and long evenings debating the social wrongs in the world.  I wish all our readers a happy Easter (whether you celebrate it or abuse its benefits as I do) and more importantly, I wish you some quality time with your loved ones.

Why horses and jeans are better than men

 He says...

A known fact, I heard it somewhere and I'm blogging it so it must be true- the average woman in the world today has a longer and more fulfilling relationship with her favourite pair of jeans than she does any man in her life. Sad as it is, I LOVE that statistic, it says so much about the world today. It seems ridiculous at first, but think about it. Think about the divorce rate. Think of how quickly after marriage divorces are happening these days. Think about marriages that survive but become passionless. Now think about your favourite pair of jeans currently in your wardrobe. Think about how they are always there for you and never let you down. Think about how long you've had them and how much longer you intend to keep them, think about how sad it's going to be when they are too tatty to wear and you have to throw them out. Sigh if only you could do the same with men that become tatty! Or cut their legs off to give them another lease on life.

There is a new girl working on Mr Rockers floor... A young girl, early twenties, not unattractive. She is the new receptionist working in Mrs Rockers part of the business.  I've blogged here about how I don't suffer from the sad affliction of lusting after younger girls when arriving at the princely age of 40. There's no exception here, even if I were a bit more typical, there's not a great deal to lust after in the conventional sense. But you see, I'm interested. I'm interested in how women move and carry themselves and what that belies about their life story. How do they feel about themselves? How do they feel about men? Are they interested in sex? Are they comfortable in their own skin? Are they carrying a sadness and do they bear some scars? Do they perceive themselves as being a victim of circumstance? Are they a victim of circumstance? While most men are assessing tits and ass, this is the check list I'm working through. Well maybe subconsciously I work through the T&A check list first.

From the moment I saw this girl it was obvious that she carried a sadness that permeates so screamingly loud into her demeanour- Don't look at me, don't talk to me, don't try to be kind to me, don't try to be my friend. Just a grey, passionless existence. But then I saw she has a tattoo. There's a glimmer of something here!

I don't understand tattoos, I don't have a firm opinion of about what it says about a woman who has one or some. Same goes for piercings. I'm not yet aware of a stereotypical pigeon hole that you can place a woman into if she has a tattoo or piercing. But for me, a tattoo at the very least says that the owner is, or at some stage was passionate enough about something to adorn herself with a picture or a word.

It turns out, she has her horse's name tattooed onto her wrist. So here is a girl that carries herself with a prickly “don't come near me” demeanour, with her horse's name tatooed on her wrist. She look and interacts with humans through sad glazed eyes, but loves her horse dearly.

People are free to love whoever/whatever they like. It saddens me though that humans in general and probably men in particular can be so hateful so as to crush a human spirit so early in somebody's life making equine solace preferable to the solace and love one can get from one's own species, as I suspect may be the case here.

Oh, and she comes to work in the same pair of jeans virtually every day.

Sex sells...

 He says...

Though I'm a lay-Sociologist, sometimes I can't supress my vocation and the Scientist in me succumbs to the irresistible urge to analyse data and draw conclusions. The Rockers have scientifically proved that sordid revelations are what bring feet through your blog! If you don't believe us, check this out...

 So bloggers of the world, what are you waiting for?! Go out there and do something sexually controversial!

Every Couple’s Pocket-Guide to Threesomes: Chapter 1- The Right Mind-Set

He says...

While I'm busy tapping out Every Couple's Pocket-Guide to Threesomes: Chapter 2- The Early Years, for sake of completeness here is Chapter 1. Thanks to Lady-Like Pervert, this already appeared on her fantastic blog as a guest contribution for which I feel extremely honoured....   

_________________________________________
I suddenly feel kinda responsible for the consequences that may befall couples across the globe who were ever curious about threesomes, particularly MMF threesomes and were perhaps considering actually doing it. I feel obliged therefore to say a little more…

There are any number of sources of sage advice out there saying don’t venture into threesomes unless you are 100% strong and secure in your relationship yadda yadda yadda. Ho hum. Ho hum. It’s screamingly obvious and tedious to even mention. There are thousands of Sexual Health Practitioners out there who say it with more grumpy gravity than me. Let’s not dwell on the bleeding obvious in the Hallowed Halls of Lady-Like Blog Space.

Perhaps nearly as obvious are recommended time-lags between exploring the concept and making a decision to try to orchestrate the many factors for it to happen. Discussing the concept Tuesday afternoon and ending up in the sack by Thursday lunch-time is asking for trouble. Again that’s ho hum obvious. Between Mr Rocker dropping the “I’d really like for you to have a threesome with me and another guy. Could you pass the mashed potato please.” bombshell and mutual agreement took 5 years. Between agreement and actually doing it, another 5 months. During the 5 years and 5 months, there were hours and hours and hours of discussion, examining every single angle and implication, with not a small amount of hot sex fuelled by the potential excitement and ideas. Moving three steps forward to it being a reality, then four steps backward. Five forward, and three backward. That’s a net gain of one step forward. That’s how it goes. Everything has a natural pace.

When the Rockers fell in love 23 years ago, our catch phrase was stolen from the lyrics of Folk Rock musician Al Stewart who sang “Nothing that’s forced can ever be right, if it doesn’t come naturally leave it”. 23 years later we still laugh about it and have revisited the phrase during our ongoing journey of sensual abandon, especially since Al Stewart cheerfully carries on to sing the next line of the song “That’s what they said as they turned out the light, and bent their backs as slaves to the night”. But the key here is exactly what Mr Stewart says. Naturally. I can’t say it any more eloquently than he does. If it doesn’t come naturally, leave it!

If there is a single ounce of doubt that doing something as risque as having a threesome with your wife/hubby and AN Other is going to create drama, run for the hills, away from the concept.

When you are used to sex being exclusively integral to your intimacy as a couple, don’t try it. If you’re not having wild wicked debauched purely recreational sex with your significant other from time to time, you’re not ready yet. Sex-life progression is about going through 1) experimentation 2) procreation 3) recreation and sadly, 4) stagnation. If you’re not firmly at stage 3), you’re probably not in the right place. I also believe that once you’re in stage 4), trying threesomes as a remedy is doomed to failure. The trick is never to let yourself get to stage 4) in the first place because few couples ever make it back from there. The Rockers Blog is all about questioning why so many couples end up in stage 4). It’s so sad.

So if you’re a man and like the idea of having a hot threesome with your wife but don’t know how to get your wife to consider it, I’m not sure I can strongly recommend what you SHOULD do, but I know what you SHOULDN’T do. Who’s ever heard of the famous quote “the desire to become a politician should ban you for life from ever becoming one”… I feel the same way about men’s clichéd propensity for wanting a threesome with two women, especially if it’s at the exclusion of considering the opposite ratio. It’s the wrong way to go. It’s going to heap upon you disdainful suspicion of being stereotypically male. Advertising your desire to have an FFM threesome is likely to guarantee that you never get anything of the sort.
If there’s a single necessary ingredient required for a marriage’s sexual experimentation to continuously soar to ever greater heights I would phrase it as “Freedom of the mind to explore the art of the possible”…. Freedom of the mind means being free to express an opinion or a desire without fear of harsh judgement. Only if you know there will be no harsh judgement in the cold light of day, can it ever be safe to consider exploring the reality. In this patriarchal world, it’s largely the man in a relationship who’s prerogative it is, or who has the ability engender circumstances conducive to exploration. So men of the world, listen up. Rightly or wrongly it’s you who has the power to unlock The Vixen in your loved one and let her out to explore.

Do that and you may end up in the situation that the Rockers did last Saturday night… rejoining a party after an hour-long absence, Mrs Rocker wearing slightly bashful grin that may as well have been a tattoo on her forehead in large font which read “Hello everyone, I’m back, and in case you didn’t already guess, I just fucked the two hottest guys at the party, and if you can’t deal with that, it’s your fucking problem not mine”.

The Threesome Thing in Pink

She says….

Okay, now that most of you have choked on your coffee and come up with some opinions of your own, I think it’s important to give you my perspective on what has been a potentially a life-changing experience for me.

This was not some drunken escapade.  It’s not a situation that we fell into.  It’s something we’ve been talking about and analyzing for so long that at one point it seemed that that was where it would stay – a thought.  I was stone cold sober and aware of every second of the night.  And boy, am I glad that I was.  There’s not a thing I’d like to forget. 

We have good chemistry with the other man.  He’s not some desperado – he’s a strong man in his own right - successful, intelligent and has an awesome sense of humour.  Both Mr Rocker and I enjoy his company and even if we never got naked with him again, we’d still be friends with him and have a drink every now then.  Above all, he’s well-groomed, good looking and discreet.  He has a genuine appreciation of women, not merely as sexual beings.  That level of respect is important to me. 

I do not feel that anything has been taken away from my marriage or my feelings for Mr Rocker.  Quite to the contrary, having had a self-esteem boost like this had made me feel valued and loved. Mr Rocker has shown that he is not possessive, selfish or threatened by other men.  He was a fundamental part of an evening that made me feel like a princess and I’ve come out of it more secure in my relationship with him than going into it. 

I have had insecurity issues all my life and at times have made Mr Rocker’s life miserable because I have been so frightened of being abandoned.  I had never been with another man, I met Mr Rocker young and have only ever had a sexual relationship with him.  I could never contemplate a life without him because I knew no other.  If he left me I’d be alone for the rest of my life.  This is all illogical and cannot be plotted on a continuum of reasonableness, but then most things in life can’t.  I now feel so differently.  I know that Mr R is in this relationship because he wants to be, not because it’s all he knows.  I know that I am desirable and hell, if he left, some other man would find me attractive so I have the potential of finding happiness elsewhere.    I am in my marriage not because I have to be or have no alternatives, but because I choose to be. 

There is nothing lacking in the Rockers’ sexual relationship.  We have regular and great sex.  We share a level of intimacy that has threatened other relationships in our lives – we always put each other first. And we will continue to do so.  There is a big difference between a sexual act and being intimate with someone.  The sexual act lasts a short while, it may feel good but soon the glow dims.  True intimacy has to be protected at all costs.  Intimacy is how your love for one another translates into all areas of your life not just your sex life.  Were we intimate with Mr Other Man?  No way.  We had fun, but that’s where it ends. If we never heard from him again, our lives would be no poorer.   We all know that there are people who are serial adulterers, am I one?  I don’t think so.  How can an act that includes my husband be adulterous?  I have not only his blessing, but he was an active participant and had a good time.   

So, decide for yourself what is right for you.  This was a choice made freely and actively, not something that I was cajoled into. I don’t feel degraded, used or ashamed of what we have done.  I had a really good time and given the opportunity, will be right back there, with Mr Rocker at my side.   

The MMF Threesome Cliffhanger...

 He says...

I'm crap at sex-blogging, you may have noticed. I'm happy to set the scene and give the setting, but the detail is probably like an annoying blind-spot for those who want to know the full juicy picture. I skirt around the details and let you fill in the blanks. While I love the sex, I love standing back and thinking about the implications of encounters and experiences and what it all means in a modern society. So this post, and probably the next few after it, is likely to be low on juicy detail and rich in ponderous deliberation! For me, there is considerable eroticism in suggestion and hints, the details can be filled in by the readers.

But yes okay, while not a deafening and hysterical chorus, there is a duet of “tell us more!”

So to answer the cliff-hanger from the previous post...

Did it happen? Oh yes.

How did it happen, what was the build-up? Not telling. Who did what to whom? Not telling. Will it ever happen again? Probably. Was it good? It was awesome! Did Mrs Rocker enjoy it? She loved it. Who was the other man? Not telling. Was it tasteful, respectful of Mrs Rockers desires and erotic all at the same time? You bet it was.

That's it people! That's all you're getting for now! I mean really, this is not some cheap sensationalist blogging trick and like I said, neither is it a sex blog! If you want the sensuous deets, email Mrs Rocker, those of you that have her email address, and maybe she'll reveal all (but I doubt it!). I'm an amateur sociologist remember and I dispense home-made crackpot sociological theories as a hobby to amuse myself and corrupt the world, so brace yourselves my hearties.

12 hours after publishing the previous post, and some 48 hours after indulging in the kind of antics that would have us stoned to death in several Middle Eastern countries, I woke up to news footage on CNN of men with beards running riot in Bangladesh protesting the awarding of equal rights to women. “Geez” I said to Mrs Rocker, “they know in Daka already what we did!”.

But just as bad as grumpy zealots feeling threatened by empowered women, there is a modern Western equivalent. The men don't necessarily wear long robes and have beards and they don't always brandish sticks, but they may as well do. And that's my point- i.e. that it's a patently unfair world when it comes to sexual politics, even in the West! Until a woman is free to proudly proclaim her liking of the idea of having two guys at once, the world ain't as free as we think it is.

I'm not stupid enough to deny that MMF threesomes are not for everybody, the male brain and rampant ego is programmed to blot out such possibilities. But it's an indisputable biological fact that women were designed to be pleasured by more than one man. Perhaps what is in dispute is the time lag between one guy and the next. And I'm all for bringing that time lag down to um... zero! And I speak from experience.

And if just one man reads this and thinks “Hey, maybe this guy has a point”, I've done my job.

Hot MMF Threesome Anyone?

He says...

This blog spends a little time now and then examining some aspects of the Rockers relationship, a relationship which is perhaps a little unconventional in some ways. There are hints of the fact that as a father and a husband, I think a little differently, I try not to be clichéd and avoid at all costs the two biggest evils in the world- 1) The Male Ego and 2) Selfishness.

Of all sexual clichés in this world, every man's fantasy of having sex with two girls at once is probably the most tiresome. Make no mistake, I'm not adverse to the idea, I would probably jump at the opportunity, but what's tiresome about it is that it's out there in bright flashing lights as a perfectly acceptable ambition for most men. But yet women are not afforded similar rights to proudly vocalise their out-of-the ordinary sexual ambitions of a similar nature. No fair.

It seems to be something of a taboo for women to own up to quite liking the idea of an altogether different ratio, having sex with two guys at the same time. But come on people, think about it for a second, besides the fact that society in general steers clear of accepting it into the mainstream of spank banks (thanks Mrs LadyLike Pervert for the term), doesn't two guys and a girl make a bit more anatomical sense than two girls and a guy? How many erogenous zones on a guy? Just the one of course. If that. How many erogenous zone on a girl? Rather than count them (we'd be here all day), let's just concede for the purposes of this blog there are more than a lone man can realistically hope to attend to just by himself.

I'd love to see a real poll asking what percentage of women given the chance would like to experience being at the centre of adoring gentlemanly attention, where said attention is skilfully and respectfully administered by more than one guy in a sensuous MMF threesome, or even MMMF moresome. Or as many M's as you want. I'm pretty sure there'd be a lot of feminine, well-manicured hands in the air saying “yes please, me, me, me”, but nah, there seems to be something of a societal gag-order on vocalising one's approval. It's our old enemy The Male Ego I'm afraid.

I'd like to live in a world where such fantasies or even the realities enjoyed an equal acknowledgement. I take my hat off to some unconventional advertising campaigns that include tasteful images of sensuous multi-men scenarios, such as the Calvin Klein billboard image below which apparently caused a huge outcry when it was plastered in its 3-storey glory alongside American freeways.

What if I were to plunge this blog into a sensational chorus of “tell us more!” (from all um... three of our readers), by hinting ever so subtly that the Rockers have fronted-up to challenge of confounding unjust, one-sided sexual clichés.... What if I were to bring back our flagging readership by tantalisingly suggesting that the Rockers have done more than just theorising that two-guys-and-a-girl threesomes are what all girls need?

Is there such a thing as "too much sex"?

She says....

Whilst so many of our blog friends seem to be experiencing some form of sexual angst or another, the Rockers are having the time of their lives.  We are in a honeymoon phase now that we've gotten over the shock of the empty nest and having a wonderful time as a couple.

We are having so much sex, all of it awesome (to add insult to injury for those of you experiencing a drought, sorry) that we've had to put a ban on it for a few days. We're sleep deprived and our friends have commented that we're becoming recluses.  Am I complaining? Hell no!  But, like with all things, balance is important, so we have to make an effort to become more sociable.  Just worried that our friends are going to ask why we have such stupid grins on our faces all the time.

A Life in a Day of the Rockers

He says...

Good heavens it seems like forever since I've hit the “PUBLISH POST” button. Christmas, a fantastic beach holiday, the indescribable trauma of sending our children away to boarding school, adjusting to an empty nest, a wildly different work routine, some hectic travel have all gotten in the way of Mr Rocker speaking his mind. But today I find myself on a plane again next to a smelly passenger so what to do? Write a post.

I wonder if we'll ever have a normal life, or even if we want one. The day dawned normal enough. An alarm clock, an annoying hungry cat, wake the children, a family breakfast around the table with some scrambled egg on toast, orange juice, superb coffee made from freshly ground Arabica espresso beans (just like life is too short to read a crappy book or have crappy sex, bad coffee is also a Schedule 1 offence), a cursory glance at SkyNews to catch up on world affairs and time for the Rockers to Rock and Roll. Mrs Rocker kisses me and the kids in their school uniforms goodbye and heads off to work. But that's probably where all semblance of normality ceases since today was the first morning after half-term break. Mr Rocker and Rocker Kids bundle into the Audi and head off to the border, clear the border into South Africa, drive to Johannesburg International Airport. I check the kids onto one flight, myself onto another, leave them at a Sushi Bar for lunch (sigh, I wish they just ate burgers like other kids) and head across to the other side the city to drop Mrs Rocker's car off for some um... repairs, catch a taxi back to the airport, meet up with the Rocker Kids again at their boarding gate, spend another 30min with them before hugs and “goodbye see you in 3 weeks" and then I head off to my own boarding gate leaving them at theirs. By the time the night is through, I will have flown 2 hours in one direction, the Rocker kids (all 13years and 10 years old of them) 2 hours in another direction before boarding a bus for the final 1.5hour trip to their schools. Tonight the Rockers will sleep scattered all over the subcontinent, in a roughly equilateral triangle but with each side of the triangle roughly a 1000miles in length.

And this is the year that the Rockers are planning to lead a more normal life! So far so good though, After 157 flights last year, this is only now my 14^th flight of this year with not too many additional flights planned for the foreseeable future. I've spent more time at home in the last month and a half than I have the last 2 years put together. I feel almost normal! And tonight when I Skype home it will be normal conversation not like last year's antipodean conversations that went along the lines of the following...

Mrs Rocker: “Hi, honey how was your day?”

Mr Rocker: “Honey, I'm in New Zealand, I just woke up silly”

Mrs Rocker: “Oh right, forgot about that, so how did you sleep?”

Mr Rocker: “Yeah great thanks, how did you sleep?”

Mrs Rocker: “Honey, I've just got back from work silly”

...and so on.

Yes, there's a lot to be said for living in more or less the same time zone!

Is it in the stars?

She says....


I feel like I am being punished for my own silence - all the blogs I regularly, and love, reading seem to have hit some kind of "silence".  Are we all in the same lunar cycle that we've all felt this drought of blog-worthy thoughts?  Why is it that no one seems to have anything notable to write or comment on?  Personally I don't have anything to comment on beyond the day-to-day and I'm sure that none of you would be the least bit interested.  This doesn't mean though that I don't miss the morning routine of a cup of coffee in the left hand and a mouse hovering over my favourite blog spots in the other.  My mornings are really damn boring now so please would the rest of you get your acts together and write something amusing.  Thank you to Sex and the Married Man for keeping me entertained, I regularly have a chuckle at what you have to say.  Do not under any circumstances take a break, I'm relying on you.


For those of us taking a break, I understand your reluctance to write but I still miss you all dammit, now start thinking, start writing and inspire me to do the same!

We're there

She says...


Wow, what a weekend.  


Mr Rocker walked through the arrivals' doors at the airport and I had butterflies in my tummy.  It was so wonderful to see him after two weeks and that feeling just stayed with us all weekend.  We had time alone too so it was a good balance - loads of time to reload the "spank bank" and plot and scheme.  We find talking about sex almost as exciting as the act, just as well considering how much time we have spent apart!  It is this rekindling of intimacy that has got the Rockers rocking.  To say that this weekend was awesome is understating it somewhat.  Our mojo's are back with a vengence! Watch this space, you're bound to get to read the effects of the prodigal libidos. We stayed at our friends' homes so there was no hotel sex, sorry Mrs Pervert. Good sex, but not with the wild abandon of an anonymous room.


We spent time with old friends, celebrated a birthday and chatted for hours.  There's just something about being around a dinner table with a full tummy and a good bottle of wine, catching up on each other's lives. In fact, chatting around the dinner table is one of my favourite places to be. Considering that we were all footloose and fancy free in one city ten years ago, we all live in different cities (and country for us) and our lives have all moved one.  The shared history is still there though and it's a good base for laughs and friendship. 


Now that we are home, it feels as if we're on honeymoon. We've had quiet dinners for two and enjoyed every moment of it being just the two of us - not to say that we don't miss the kids, but we've decided to make the most of the situation and focus on the positives instead of wallowing in the melancholy that the kids' absence has left in our lives. It is truly amazing to be able to have an uninterrupted conversation as two adults. 


So, dear followers, we thank you for your loyalty during the "dry" spell but we promise to entertain you once more now that we're more "together".

Getting there

She says...


The past month has been a tough one and I'm not sure that I ever want January 2011 back again.  The Rockers are now split across three different cities, Mr in one, the kids in another and me in a third. Totally ridiculous but the end is in sight.  Tomorrow is Mr Rocker's last working day at his current workplace and then he moves back to our home country full-time.  To say that I am excited about the prospect of waking up next to him every day is the understatement of the year.  He's been away for two weeks and tomorrow I get to see him for the first time.  I cannot wait to see him, I get butterflies in my tummy just thinking about my first glimpse of him.


We are both doing better and coming to grips with the emotional rollercoaster of sending our children away. The kids are doing well at their new schools and settling into the routine of boarding. At home, we're having to settle into the life of not having them around - I still rush home from work and when I get here I wonder what why I was racing to be home.  Makes no sense and I realise that it will take a little time for me to "unlearn" my "mom" behaviour as that has been fundamental to my life for the past 13 years.


We're going away this weekend, just Mr Rocker and I, to (try) have some fun and remind ourselves of how hedonistic life was before we had kids - dinners with friends, sleeping late, nursing hangovers, long boozey lunches and general "misbehaviour". Also going to see U2 in concert, it's been a long time since they played in Africa and as avid fans, we'll be behaving like wild teenagers - I will at least, Mr Rocker maybe not. 


We're trying to get rocking again, it's important to us and we really need to keep our readers coming back for more of our crackpot theories.  So watch this space, the Rockers are hoping to be back in full force soon.

All on my own

She says...


I have been on my own since last Tuesday.  Mr Rocker is working away and the children are at school.  It is the first time since our 13 year old was born that I have been completely on my own. The work days seem to pass by relatively quickly and the evenings are short - I get in quite late, make something to eat, maybe do some work that I've brought home and before you know it, it's time for bed.


The weekends are another story though.  I planned activities to keep myself occupied - Saturday was split between pampering sessions (at the hair salon and the beauty parlour) and work.  Our factory was running on Saturday in order to deliver on a tight deadline so someone had to oversee it.  Luckily I was able to pop in at various times during the day to keep an eye on production and still have my pampering done.  


Saturday evening I spent with friends having a barbeque overlooking the most beautiful lake - they really are very fortunate to wake up to that stunning vista every morning.  The Fish Eagles flew overhead and we were kept entertained by a Yellow-billed Kite swooping down to catch a field mouse.  It was all very idyllc.  Yet, despite the good company and stunning location, there was just something missing. I have been to loads of events/outings without my man over the years due to the huge amount of travelling that he has been forced to do but somehow last night was different.  I felt his absence so keenly that I regretted having accepted the invitation.  Don't ask me why I felt different, I have no idea.  I knew that he was somewhere where he was needed far more than I needed him to be with me (he was visiting our children) and I was happy that he was with our children.  But, and there is always a but, I missed him dreadfully. 


I have come to realise that in the anguish that the separation from the children has brought on, I want nothing more than to be home and close to the person who completes me and with whom my soul finds peace. Mr Rocker is able, through his mere presence, to bring perspective to my life and without saying a word calms my fears.  I regret that at 38 years old I am still not able to bring on that calm state of being for myself but that I am reliant on someone else to help me achieve that.  


I realise that I am not a self-contained person and perhaps it's not too late to make a resolution that in 2011 I will find a way to peace on my own. I would really like to be different because neediness does not sit well with me.  

Only another week to go....

Ladies, take over the porn industry, please!

The Rockers have an empty house, a sex drive that's recovering from a recent trauma, a home theatre with a massively big screen, comfortable rug, and unfortunately, with few exceptions- BAD porn.

Please guys, we need a league of women mobilised on a righteous crusade for more balanced porn. We all know that the biggest market out there is the male consumer, and that brings with it all the stereotypical male fantasies hard-coded into virtually every movie out there, mostly centred around domination (at best) and selfish male enjoyment, or borderline humiliation (at worst). And we all know (okay well at least I do) there is a fine line between taking control and dominating.  It's a fine line guys tread every day of their lives- when to take control, how hard to push and suggest, when to duck to avoid the incoming slap for having over-stepped the mark or face the ice hanging off the ceiling because you didn't read the signs and push hard enough.

It's not as if women don't like porn, they like it just as much as men, (amazing considering the crappy porn they are served up) and especially when it's enjoyed with their Significant Others. So then why is virtually all the porn out there so appallingly bad and scripted as if there would be not a woman on the other side of a screen trying to get her head around the logic or likely reality of every scene ending in a facial cum-shot? Consumerism is a bugger we're all stuck with, unfortunately,. But really guys, how about some BALANCE and maybe even a bit of REALITY and perhaps even acknowledgement that sex is a TWO WAY thing and women, on average, are more likely to actually enjoy considerably different scenarios to the ones played out in your average porn flick. Now I'm not suggesting that every porn movie be scripted around a dinner out with champagne and flowers, followed by tender candlelit love-making in an elegantly-decorated room. I think I know enough about women to know that they prefer their porn a little more upbeat than that, All I'm saying is how about depicting women genuinely enjoying themselves because they are in control of their own destiny and the centre of respectful, adoring attention, be that in a one-on-one situation, or something a little more... well, crowded. That simple formula, and more balanced ones like it, to my way of thinking is not a big ask. So why the hell hasn't somebody twigged that porn sales could practically double if you get it right? So I call to arms progressively-minded women who are sick of crappy egotistical porn, to take back what should be theirs too- A porn studio with balanced scripts, produced by women, not necessarily for women, but at the very least not against women.

So who's in?

Or put me out of me (and Mrs Rocker's) misery and tell me where all the good porn is. PLEEEAAASE!

The Rockers Need You.

Bloggers-block

He says...

Okay, I'm just putting it out there- the events of January so far (with the exception the delicious beach holiday at the beginning of it) have taken their toll on Mr Rocker too. In no particular order- the loss of my beloved booze-cruise drinking barge in a catastrophic flood on our beautiful river, a sick beloved family pet, loss of a key member of my staff to my arch business rival, difficulties with my father, and of course the gut-wrenching trauma of the empty nest and saying goodbye to our children and living through (particularly) our daughter's difficulties in settling into her new school life. Mr Rocker hasn't been rocking, and to top it all is on another bout of crazy travel that sees me home for just one weekend between now and the end of February. So much more than blogger's block, I'm suffering from EVERYTHING block.

Friends

She says...


As you may be aware, I am somewhat traumatised by the separation from my children.  Please save me from re-hashing all those horrible feelings all over again as I've had to do so through countless telephone calls and cannot stand to do so again.  Read my previous post and save me some tears.


The last two days though have gone a long way toward restoring my faith in friendship.  I have always valued my friends and treasured their time but as in most things these days, the demands of life have taken their toll on my relationships with my girlfriends.  We have not kept in touch as much as we should have and I'm always regretful that I don't make time for them. Fact is though that we're all as busy as each other and while we mean to stay in touch and really do mean it when we say "we must get together for a coffee/drink" etc, we generally allow our friendships to slide down to the bottom of the list because there are just too many demands on our time.  I find that the friendships that I am best at maintaining at the moment are those that I can read - friends who have blogs or who email.  This is not because I don't want to chat to my friends face-to-face but because either we're on opposite sides of the globe or because the first opportunity I get to chat is well after any respectable person's bedtime.  I am very grateful for my blog buddies who are in different time zones as it means they're available when I'm finally ready to chill and catch up.


Mr Rocker is away at the moment.  He's bringing home to the bacon as usual but it means that at a time when we're both emotionally fragile we're apart.   It is not of his own choice, believe me.  


The past few days have restored my faith in friendship.  I have had friends call me up and offer me a drink, dinner or a bit of company and I am very touched by their efforts.  I could be out every night for the next fortnight if I accept the invitations!  Either I still look totally crap with swollen eyes or they genuinely care.  At this stage I'm choosing to believe that they care.  Thank you dear friends for the calls and the emails. You make me feel less alone in the world and if all the good karma you're sending out works, my kids should be settled and happy at school very soon and the Rockers will be right back in the saddle.


Lesson learnt, if you let people love you or help you, they will be there for you. 

When Moms and Dads cry

She says....


We're back, feels like a lifetime ago since we locked up our house, loaded up our vacation things and set off on a family holiday.


We spent a glorious nine days on a beautiful, wild stretch of coast in South Africa.  We holidayed with our good friends, a family whose children were also due back at boarding school and a fun time was had by all. Fantastic walks and runs on the beach, way too much alcohol some (most) days and the view was simply stunning. To wake up to dolphins swimming just in front of the house is a real treat.


All too soon though, it came to an end and we had the daunting task of taking our children to school.  New, separate schools for both of them. This is scary in itself, now add the whole boarding school in another country into the equation and it's just damn terrifying.  Our children, who are 13 and 10, were absolute stars and faced this task with courage and fortitude, some trepidation of course, but on the whole you wouldn't find two more confident children.  Mom and Dad, too, with trepidation, and Mom certainly, with a whole lot less bravery.  


Why, you may ask, have we sent our children to boarding school?  The answer is simple, we live in Africa and sometimes the best schools are across the border.  South Africa has an excellent private school system to rival the top schools in many first world countries but in order to take advantage of this, our children have to board.  We will see them every three weeks in order to make this bearable for all of us.  Our teenager had no option as he is due to start high-schooling, our daughter, though, chose to go at the same time as her brother. They are close, despite the endless squabbling, and she couldn't bear to be left behind while he went off to this glamorous new lifestyle of flying home, being independent and experiencing all sorts of adventures.


The preparation for this change was the easy part, numerous trips to SA to purchase uniforms, interviews, checking lists, marking items of clothing etc. What we had no preparation for was the absolute torturous hell of leaving our kids there and driving away.  Our eldest, as you may have read, is a confident, savvy, teenage boy. He has taken this on the chin, seems to be having a good time and is settling well.  Our darling daughter, another story.  She is so young and so emotional.  I think that being a girl has added to the emotional rollercoaster.  I'm not saying that boys don't have emotions, I think that in the dead of night our son is as homesick as she is but she just cannot hide how she feels.


The tears started before we left and saying goodbye to her and driving away was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.  We said our farewells and Mr Rocker and I got into the car.  I've never cried so hard in my life.  We have spent the last three days living in a sort of funk where the hurt and absolute desperation to get back into the car and drive through the night to fetch them has been almost unbearable.  With Mr Rocker in the same painful space as me, I wish I could take his hurt away, but only time can do that. Being held in his arms has been my only comfort.  


In the rational part of my brain, the part got me through the dreadful separation and loneliness of 2010, I know that we are doing the best for our children - our home country simply does not have schooling of this calibre.  My heart though does not always listen to my brain and I am still trying to get it to catch up.  A sort of dull ache has settled in my chest and at times still overwhelms me.  The house is just so quiet (and tidy!) and the silence is driving me insane.  I am very, very grateful that I have a demanding job that awaits me and a new business that we can throw our all into, it's just the distraction and motivation (you should see the school fees!) that we need.


So, dear readers, the Rockers are not quite rocking.  We are still licking our wounds and trying to get our new, mostly-childless life on track.  

Reason for the silence...

Excuse us while we recharge our batteries...

Why we blog...

He says...

The Rocker's blog has been bouncing around, perhaps slowly assuming some common themes. We look around us and we see so many couples where the fire has gone out. The interest in each other has all but died, and with it the acknowledgement of themselves as sexual beings. At best, we see couples settling into a kind of passionless pragmatic coexistence of convenience. And we look at this and we question why couples are like that and why we are different and what did we do differently to be highly sexed and into each other in a very big way? So I guess, some of what we post relates to how we keep the Vixen's flames fanned and the Lion roaring.

We think that maybe we have something to say that may be important. We think that maybe if even one young couple read the bits of the blog and question where they are going in this life with each other they may be aware of the creeping lethargy, indifference and loss of passion and do something about it before its too late.

I don't enjoy blogging as much as I do examining the world of sexual politics from an oblique angle and deriving alternative viewpoints that sound like they've been fermented by a rabid feminist on a crusade to win back sexual rights and power, rather than a beer-swilling, testosterone-charged man such as myself. I've always suspected that I think a little differently to many, if not most men. My relationship quest has always been to find a way to live unselfishly, but in a way that still stokes the testosterone which defines me as healthily libidinous male. And I think I found that path to tread and its worked out well and results in me getting lots of great sex. Maybe what this blog is about too- thumbing my nose at my own ego, and encouraging other men to do so too. Learning how to wear it lightly and keep it where it doesn't detract from other people's quality-of-life and in so doing, even in a paradoxically selfish kind of way, maximises the pleasure of the male existence.