2010 – the year that was

She says….

I’m not a particularly reflective kind of person but 2010 was such a momentous year for us as a couple, and more especially, for me as an individual, that it’s important to remember the lessons learnt.  This is going to be a long and rambling post, so get yourself a drink and make yourself comfortable.

Physical distance and emotional distance are two very different things

Mr Rocker and I spent most of the year apart physically but emotionally we’ve never been closer. Taking on the challenge of working in different countries was not something that we entered into lightly and I faced criticism from all sides because I didn’t give up my career to follow him to his work destination.  The reality is that it just didn’t make sense either from a financial point of view or in terms of our long-term goals. It would have meant giving up on our business interests in our country of residence for a contract position in another country.  Our close friends and family also don’t buy into the concept of my career having significance in relation to my husband’s – he is our breadwinner and as such I should follow him.  The reality is that I love what I do and I have very good long term prospects. They chose to see me as selfish when it was a decision made by BOTH of us based on values that are important to BOTH of us. Don’t you just hate patriarchal societies?

I have never felt more connected to Mr Rocker than I have this year and I’ve never felt more loved.  I know enough couples who wake up next to their loved ones every morning to know that I am incredibly lucky. I am loved with a passion that is so fierce and so tender all at the same time. I am proud to say that we do not take each other for granted and that we love our time together.  Yes, others see us as being wrapped up in each other, sometimes to their exclusion, but so be it. I wouldn’t have it any other way.  We have also probably had more sex (mind-blowing and in quantity) than most of the couples we know!  Not bad for a couple that reside in separate countries let alone separate beds!

If you look after your body it will treat you right

I have had an undiagnosed medical condition for many years. The symptoms come and go and whilst we have tried to manage it, and have done so quite well, it has never had a label.  This year a diagnosis has been made after a lucky visit to a different doctor, who immediately knew what I was talking about and viola! My quality of life has improved overnight.

I have spent most of the last 10 years having health issues – I have had episodes of unconsciousness that have been suspected strokes, migraines, diabetic comas, brain tumours.  These “attacks” would be scary, sporadic and no doctor seemed to have a clue as to what was causing them. We became quite matter of fact about them and figured it was just something we had to live with. My new doctor however, during a visit for something completely unrelated, started asking questions about things that were completely unconnected in my mind.  In his however, it all made perfect sense.  I have what is called the “Metabolic Syndrome” and the overriding factor is that I am insulin-resistant.  All these years I have been having blood sugar lows because my body produces too much insulin. A change in diet and I’m a new person. 

If I have one wish for 2011, it is to get out the message of insulin-resistance.  It is a form of type 2 diabetes that is mostly undiagnosed because diabetes diagnosis is based on blood glucose levels.  While my blood glucose levels have always been low to normal, the reality is that my insulin has been dangerously high.  Insulin-resistance results in type 2 Diabetes Mellitis over time as it causes the pancreas to fail and the result is insulin dependence.  By following a strict diet of NO carbs and NO sugar, I have turned back the effects of my insulin resistance and I feel wonderful.  I have no more sugar highs or lows, I have no sweet cravings, I sleep well and I have more energy than I know what to do with (although Mr Rocker tries to help!).  If you think that this condition will never affect you, think again.  I am not obese, I exercise regularly and I had been eating a reasonable diet for many years.  Please, please, please, if you’re having a medical for any reason, ask for your insulin to be checked, not only your blood sugar. It could save your life down the line.

I am also, for the first time in about 10 years, not going into the new year with the resolution to lose 5kgs because I’ve more than kicked that one into touch!  I’m stronger, fitter and healthier than I have ever been. It's tough knowing that I will never eat another chocolate brownie but so be it, some things are worth the sacrifice.

Accepting offers of help does not mean weakness

I am a perfectionist, a control freak and fiercely independent.

This year has been a very trying one professionally as the worldwide economic recession made its effects felt in my industry. It’s been a stressful year and I’ve had to be more focused on work than ever before.  Couple that with the single parenting of two kids, a demanding home and you have a recipe for madness.   Feeling out of control is something I abhor and I have felt like I’ve been walking a tight rope all year.

Our children are awesome kids – bright, well-spoken, achievers.  I would not have made it through 2010 and the kids would not have excelled as they have, if it were not for the influential role that outsiders have played in their lives.  Our friends and business partners, the D’s, stepped up to the plate and not only supported me in my lonely times, but attended school functions, yelled on the sidelines at swimming galas and fed us on a number of occasions where I’ve been working horrid hours.  I could not have made it without their love and support. I have also been dragged to functions on my own that I would not ordinarily have attended solo but they took care of me and I am very grateful for the fun we’ve had although maybe not so grateful for the dreadful hangovers.

Our son had the privilege of a wonderful teacher who became his mentor and moral compass this last year. A truly great educator whose impact on our son has resulted in him being offered a place in a very prestigious school, not underestimating my son’s worth in any way, but the influence of this teacher made a huge difference in our lives.  He understood that although I desperately wanted to be more involved at the school I actually just did not have enough hours in the day. In a school where parental involvement is loudly demanded, I felt under scrutiny for not being more available to my children.  This teacher never once judged me, Mr Rocker or our unusual lifestyle (our living arrangement is not considered normal where we live). He helped us make the best of the year and our son is well on the road to being a fairly decent grown-up.  Thank you, GK – sometimes your standards were scarily high but it was worth it.

Don’t sweat the small stuff

Much of the communication between the Rockers this year has had to be electronic, be it telephone calls, Skype or email.  It’s amazing how distance magnifies every little nuance in voice tone or the written word.  When you’re feeling lonely and miss someone so much that it physically hurts in your chest, every little breath, utterance or silence is loaded.  Learning to look beyond all of that and just accepting that you’re being overly analytical has been a huge achievement for me. Fighting long distance sucks because you don’t get to have make up sex, so luckily we just didn’t fight. A misunderstanding or two, but nothing damaging.

You cannot be everything to everybody

I have spent my whole life trying to be the best wife, mother, friend, daughter, homemaker, employee, you name it. This year I realized that that is just not possible. I strive for significance now. “Will this matter in 6 months?” has become my motto.  If it doesn’t, leave it. Learning to cut myself some slack and when to say NO have been valuable lessons.  There are only three people in this world whose opinions count and they all live under the same roof as me, and share the same family name.

So, all of this being said, what do I want out of 2011?  I want the sacrifice of this last year to have been worth it. I want our businesses to succeed, I want to stare at my man every morning, I want my children to be happy and stimulated at their new school and most of all, I want to add value and meaning to the lives of those I love.

To all of you, I wish you a year where your hard work is rewarded, your love is returned and that you’re able to make your good luck instead of it having to find you. Best wishes for 2011.