The Threesome Thing in Pink

She says….

Okay, now that most of you have choked on your coffee and come up with some opinions of your own, I think it’s important to give you my perspective on what has been a potentially a life-changing experience for me.

This was not some drunken escapade.  It’s not a situation that we fell into.  It’s something we’ve been talking about and analyzing for so long that at one point it seemed that that was where it would stay – a thought.  I was stone cold sober and aware of every second of the night.  And boy, am I glad that I was.  There’s not a thing I’d like to forget. 

We have good chemistry with the other man.  He’s not some desperado – he’s a strong man in his own right - successful, intelligent and has an awesome sense of humour.  Both Mr Rocker and I enjoy his company and even if we never got naked with him again, we’d still be friends with him and have a drink every now then.  Above all, he’s well-groomed, good looking and discreet.  He has a genuine appreciation of women, not merely as sexual beings.  That level of respect is important to me. 

I do not feel that anything has been taken away from my marriage or my feelings for Mr Rocker.  Quite to the contrary, having had a self-esteem boost like this had made me feel valued and loved. Mr Rocker has shown that he is not possessive, selfish or threatened by other men.  He was a fundamental part of an evening that made me feel like a princess and I’ve come out of it more secure in my relationship with him than going into it. 

I have had insecurity issues all my life and at times have made Mr Rocker’s life miserable because I have been so frightened of being abandoned.  I had never been with another man, I met Mr Rocker young and have only ever had a sexual relationship with him.  I could never contemplate a life without him because I knew no other.  If he left me I’d be alone for the rest of my life.  This is all illogical and cannot be plotted on a continuum of reasonableness, but then most things in life can’t.  I now feel so differently.  I know that Mr R is in this relationship because he wants to be, not because it’s all he knows.  I know that I am desirable and hell, if he left, some other man would find me attractive so I have the potential of finding happiness elsewhere.    I am in my marriage not because I have to be or have no alternatives, but because I choose to be. 

There is nothing lacking in the Rockers’ sexual relationship.  We have regular and great sex.  We share a level of intimacy that has threatened other relationships in our lives – we always put each other first. And we will continue to do so.  There is a big difference between a sexual act and being intimate with someone.  The sexual act lasts a short while, it may feel good but soon the glow dims.  True intimacy has to be protected at all costs.  Intimacy is how your love for one another translates into all areas of your life not just your sex life.  Were we intimate with Mr Other Man?  No way.  We had fun, but that’s where it ends. If we never heard from him again, our lives would be no poorer.   We all know that there are people who are serial adulterers, am I one?  I don’t think so.  How can an act that includes my husband be adulterous?  I have not only his blessing, but he was an active participant and had a good time.   

So, decide for yourself what is right for you.  This was a choice made freely and actively, not something that I was cajoled into. I don’t feel degraded, used or ashamed of what we have done.  I had a really good time and given the opportunity, will be right back there, with Mr Rocker at my side.