He says...
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I suddenly feel kinda responsible for the consequences that may befall couples across the globe who were ever curious about threesomes, particularly MMF threesomes and were perhaps considering actually doing it. I feel obliged therefore to say a little more…
There are any number of sources of sage advice out there saying don’t venture into threesomes unless you are 100% strong and secure in your relationship yadda yadda yadda. Ho hum. Ho hum. It’s screamingly obvious and tedious to even mention. There are thousands of Sexual Health Practitioners out there who say it with more grumpy gravity than me. Let’s not dwell on the bleeding obvious in the Hallowed Halls of Lady-Like Blog Space.
Perhaps nearly as obvious are recommended time-lags between exploring the concept and making a decision to try to orchestrate the many factors for it to happen. Discussing the concept Tuesday afternoon and ending up in the sack by Thursday lunch-time is asking for trouble. Again that’s ho hum obvious. Between Mr Rocker dropping the “I’d really like for you to have a threesome with me and another guy. Could you pass the mashed potato please.” bombshell and mutual agreement took 5 years. Between agreement and actually doing it, another 5 months. During the 5 years and 5 months, there were hours and hours and hours of discussion, examining every single angle and implication, with not a small amount of hot sex fuelled by the potential excitement and ideas. Moving three steps forward to it being a reality, then four steps backward. Five forward, and three backward. That’s a net gain of one step forward. That’s how it goes. Everything has a natural pace.
When the Rockers fell in love 23 years ago, our catch phrase was stolen from the lyrics of Folk Rock musician Al Stewart who sang “Nothing that’s forced can ever be right, if it doesn’t come naturally leave it”. 23 years later we still laugh about it and have revisited the phrase during our ongoing journey of sensual abandon, especially since Al Stewart cheerfully carries on to sing the next line of the song “That’s what they said as they turned out the light, and bent their backs as slaves to the night”. But the key here is exactly what Mr Stewart says. Naturally. I can’t say it any more eloquently than he does. If it doesn’t come naturally, leave it!
If there is a single ounce of doubt that doing something as risque as having a threesome with your wife/hubby and AN Other is going to create drama, run for the hills, away from the concept.
When you are used to sex being exclusively integral to your intimacy as a couple, don’t try it. If you’re not having wild wicked debauched purely recreational sex with your significant other from time to time, you’re not ready yet. Sex-life progression is about going through 1) experimentation 2) procreation 3) recreation and sadly, 4) stagnation. If you’re not firmly at stage 3), you’re probably not in the right place. I also believe that once you’re in stage 4), trying threesomes as a remedy is doomed to failure. The trick is never to let yourself get to stage 4) in the first place because few couples ever make it back from there. The Rockers Blog is all about questioning why so many couples end up in stage 4). It’s so sad.
So if you’re a man and like the idea of having a hot threesome with your wife but don’t know how to get your wife to consider it, I’m not sure I can strongly recommend what you SHOULD do, but I know what you SHOULDN’T do. Who’s ever heard of the famous quote “the desire to become a politician should ban you for life from ever becoming one”… I feel the same way about men’s clichéd propensity for wanting a threesome with two women, especially if it’s at the exclusion of considering the opposite ratio. It’s the wrong way to go. It’s going to heap upon you disdainful suspicion of being stereotypically male. Advertising your desire to have an FFM threesome is likely to guarantee that you never get anything of the sort.
If there’s a single necessary ingredient required for a marriage’s sexual experimentation to continuously soar to ever greater heights I would phrase it as “Freedom of the mind to explore the art of the possible”…. Freedom of the mind means being free to express an opinion or a desire without fear of harsh judgement. Only if you know there will be no harsh judgement in the cold light of day, can it ever be safe to consider exploring the reality. In this patriarchal world, it’s largely the man in a relationship who’s prerogative it is, or who has the ability engender circumstances conducive to exploration. So men of the world, listen up. Rightly or wrongly it’s you who has the power to unlock The Vixen in your loved one and let her out to explore.
Do that and you may end up in the situation that the Rockers did last Saturday night… rejoining a party after an hour-long absence, Mrs Rocker wearing slightly bashful grin that may as well have been a tattoo on her forehead in large font which read “Hello everyone, I’m back, and in case you didn’t already guess, I just fucked the two hottest guys at the party, and if you can’t deal with that, it’s your fucking problem not mine”.
While I'm busy tapping out Every Couple's Pocket-Guide to Threesomes: Chapter 2- The Early Years, for sake of completeness here is Chapter 1. Thanks to Lady-Like Pervert, this already appeared on her fantastic blog as a guest contribution for which I feel extremely honoured....
_________________________________________
I suddenly feel kinda responsible for the consequences that may befall couples across the globe who were ever curious about threesomes, particularly MMF threesomes and were perhaps considering actually doing it. I feel obliged therefore to say a little more…
There are any number of sources of sage advice out there saying don’t venture into threesomes unless you are 100% strong and secure in your relationship yadda yadda yadda. Ho hum. Ho hum. It’s screamingly obvious and tedious to even mention. There are thousands of Sexual Health Practitioners out there who say it with more grumpy gravity than me. Let’s not dwell on the bleeding obvious in the Hallowed Halls of Lady-Like Blog Space.
Perhaps nearly as obvious are recommended time-lags between exploring the concept and making a decision to try to orchestrate the many factors for it to happen. Discussing the concept Tuesday afternoon and ending up in the sack by Thursday lunch-time is asking for trouble. Again that’s ho hum obvious. Between Mr Rocker dropping the “I’d really like for you to have a threesome with me and another guy. Could you pass the mashed potato please.” bombshell and mutual agreement took 5 years. Between agreement and actually doing it, another 5 months. During the 5 years and 5 months, there were hours and hours and hours of discussion, examining every single angle and implication, with not a small amount of hot sex fuelled by the potential excitement and ideas. Moving three steps forward to it being a reality, then four steps backward. Five forward, and three backward. That’s a net gain of one step forward. That’s how it goes. Everything has a natural pace.
When the Rockers fell in love 23 years ago, our catch phrase was stolen from the lyrics of Folk Rock musician Al Stewart who sang “Nothing that’s forced can ever be right, if it doesn’t come naturally leave it”. 23 years later we still laugh about it and have revisited the phrase during our ongoing journey of sensual abandon, especially since Al Stewart cheerfully carries on to sing the next line of the song “That’s what they said as they turned out the light, and bent their backs as slaves to the night”. But the key here is exactly what Mr Stewart says. Naturally. I can’t say it any more eloquently than he does. If it doesn’t come naturally, leave it!
If there is a single ounce of doubt that doing something as risque as having a threesome with your wife/hubby and AN Other is going to create drama, run for the hills, away from the concept.
When you are used to sex being exclusively integral to your intimacy as a couple, don’t try it. If you’re not having wild wicked debauched purely recreational sex with your significant other from time to time, you’re not ready yet. Sex-life progression is about going through 1) experimentation 2) procreation 3) recreation and sadly, 4) stagnation. If you’re not firmly at stage 3), you’re probably not in the right place. I also believe that once you’re in stage 4), trying threesomes as a remedy is doomed to failure. The trick is never to let yourself get to stage 4) in the first place because few couples ever make it back from there. The Rockers Blog is all about questioning why so many couples end up in stage 4). It’s so sad.
So if you’re a man and like the idea of having a hot threesome with your wife but don’t know how to get your wife to consider it, I’m not sure I can strongly recommend what you SHOULD do, but I know what you SHOULDN’T do. Who’s ever heard of the famous quote “the desire to become a politician should ban you for life from ever becoming one”… I feel the same way about men’s clichéd propensity for wanting a threesome with two women, especially if it’s at the exclusion of considering the opposite ratio. It’s the wrong way to go. It’s going to heap upon you disdainful suspicion of being stereotypically male. Advertising your desire to have an FFM threesome is likely to guarantee that you never get anything of the sort.
If there’s a single necessary ingredient required for a marriage’s sexual experimentation to continuously soar to ever greater heights I would phrase it as “Freedom of the mind to explore the art of the possible”…. Freedom of the mind means being free to express an opinion or a desire without fear of harsh judgement. Only if you know there will be no harsh judgement in the cold light of day, can it ever be safe to consider exploring the reality. In this patriarchal world, it’s largely the man in a relationship who’s prerogative it is, or who has the ability engender circumstances conducive to exploration. So men of the world, listen up. Rightly or wrongly it’s you who has the power to unlock The Vixen in your loved one and let her out to explore.
Do that and you may end up in the situation that the Rockers did last Saturday night… rejoining a party after an hour-long absence, Mrs Rocker wearing slightly bashful grin that may as well have been a tattoo on her forehead in large font which read “Hello everyone, I’m back, and in case you didn’t already guess, I just fucked the two hottest guys at the party, and if you can’t deal with that, it’s your fucking problem not mine”.
Thanks so much for describing a robust process to make this a safe adventure (again).
ReplyDeleteWe've been together for 23 years as well, but find that we're still exploring our own selves and considering small adventures. We've yet to see if our path follows the directions yours has, but I think not.
Many people, loving in many different ways...