Setting the scene

She says...

As with most things in life, great sex takes a little planning and prioritising.  

The timing needs to be right, the mood needs to be set and all possible interferences need to be avoided.  Having said that, there are so many demands on any couple’s time that sometimes it simply does not work out.  With all the issues that modern couples face, it’s little wonder that there are so many couples in dire need of rescuing from mediocre / non-existent sex lives. Show me a happy couple and I can almost guarantee that their bedroom has been lovingly taken care of.  As we are all permanently short of time, maintaining a bedroom that is conducive to a healthy sexual environment means that you only have to look after the mood and  the interferences (insert children’s names here!).

Who would want to get intimate in that mess?

Mr Rocker and I have always, mostly at my insistence, had a bedroom that was our space, and our space alone.  Our children, even as tiny babies, needed to be desperately ill before we either had one of them in our bed or one of us left to sleep in their rooms.  Our bedroom has always been a space reserved entirely for us as a couple.  It has never been a shared family space – that is what the living areas are for.  It is the area in the house in which we are purely a man and a woman.  Behind its doors we become two individuals in an intimate relationship and our bedroom is a reflection of that ideal. 

That's more like it, tidy and serene.... and very grown up

Dr Phil (gotta love Oprah re-runs) said that a couple’s boudoir should only ever be a reflection of them as individuals or sensual beings, not as parents, hobby enthusiasts etc.  Your bedroom needs to reflect only those activities that pertain to you as healthy sexual beings – it needs to provide the backdrop for your sexual relationship. It does not need to be a costly exercise (although the best linen you can afford is worth sacrificing for), simply removing the excess clutter, the family photographs and the exercise equipment, will have a profound effect on how you feel about yourself (and hence your confidence) when you are in that space.  You ideally should do nothing in your bedroom except dress, sleep and be intimate. I could think of nothing worse than looking up at photographs of my children or my mother-in-law whilst in the throes of passion.  Talk about a passion-killer!

Try it.  It has always worked for us. When I close the bedroom door, I am nothing more than a woman that Mr Rocker loves and has a good time with – all other demands on me and my time are left on the outside.  Imagine how the effects of focusing solely on your partner can impact upon your intimacy –  in short, you’re saying “right now, behind this door, you are my world”.