The Modern Mom

Okay, I know it's been a while since I posted but life has a way of catching up with you.  Reality tends to bite quite hard at times - juggling it all can require the precision of a knife thrower to prevent the knives from stabbing you one by one. 

I know very few people these days who do not have hectic lives and I have to ask myself if the concept of a breadwinner who comes home every night to the picket-fence, 2 kids, a wholesome meal and the family dog lying in wait, is an an outdated one.  If that is standard to which all modern families should aspire, this family is losing the battle dismally.  Aproximately 70% of the time, a parent is away from home on business travel, the wholesome meals are more of a weekend thing and the kids have learnt to supervise their own homework.  How sad is all of that?  I'm beginning to think that, as my mother keeps reminding me, "you girls just can't have it all".  I, of course, being the rebel, tend to say, "hey, why not?"  It is only at times like these that I think she may be right.  Something has to give.

Will it be me who says "okay, enough" and downscales my career or will it be my husband who compromises on his.  The reality is that neither of us can, either due to financial commitments or because we want to.  The saddest part of the whole debate, is that in 2010, 90% of people will still think that my career should take a back seat to my husband's career. Luckily, he doesn't see it that way.

The guilt that comes with knowing that our children probably don't get the kind of attention that other children do, with their wonderfully child-centred families, makes some days really tough.  Would I change it all for the sake of my children?  Hell no.  I want my kids to realise that nothing comes without hard work and sacrifice.  Especially my daughter.  I want her to know that she can demand to have her own identity and still have a loving family, if that is what she chooses.  My son needs to know that family responsibility beyond providing funds, is his responsibility too. Whoever is free does the shopping or starts the dinner.  No defined roles in this family - maybe only emptying the bin  but even that I'll do if I have to.

Does my non-compromising attitude make me the odd one in society's eyes? Maybe, probably.  But I need my own identity.  It is not good enough for me anymore to be someone's wife and someone's mother.  I need to be me too.  And me works horrible hours, deals with crap a good chunk of the day and isn't available to my loved ones at the drop of a hat.  Me is also fun though, gives it my all in my marriage, with my kids and at work.  Me sometimes has the untidy house, the kiddies birthday gift bought on the way to the party and the less-than-perfect grooming but it's still me.