Love, Laughter and Passion

She says

I have never been big on New Year’s resolutions because I’ve always believed that if you’re relying one day in the year to give you the strength to achieve a goal that you’re setting yourself up for failure before you even begin.  I always however, given thought to the quality of my life and have actively worked on those areas that I felt needed attention.  I tend to be an all-or-nothing kind of person so I do not make decisions or resolutions lightly.  At the start of 2012, I decided to adopt a life philosophy more than make resolutions.  My philosophy has been to laugh more, love completely and unconditionally and to do whatever I do with conviction and passion – love, laughter and passion have become my key values.

How many of us can truly say that we laugh enough?  Yes, there’s the odd smirk that moves your lips, but truly laughing and feeling the joy that it brings to your soul is a rare treat.  I set out on a mission to add more laughter to my life. It has been about looking for opportunities to laugh in my everyday life.  I don’t mean the introduction of “artificial” laughter such as that from watching a comedy, but more the heartwarming kind that leaves you feeling satisfied with life long after the noise has subsided.

I choose company and scenarios that are likely to give me the laughter rush and have actively chosen to stay away from those situations that leaving me feeling down.  It has meant seeing less of some friends; who have way too many issues and leave me feeling blue; and more of others.  It is one of the reasons why I love seeing more of Jill than I used to.  She has the most wicked sense of humour and between her, Mr Rocker and their witty banter, my laughter needs are being more than being met….. It has also been amazing that the more I laugh, the more others laugh with me.  The world just seems a happier place.

Love I don’t even need to explain, I have so many different forms of love in my life that I will be eternally grateful.  From my children, to Mr Rocker, my friends and family, the list just goes on and on.

Passion has been a challenge.  I don’t mean the sexual kind, though I am lucky enough to have plenty in my life.  This is about living my life with conviction - feeling both the good and the bad.  Not just letting things go without conscious assessment of the implications. 

I have always hidden away from confrontation and even at those times in my life where I have been devastatingly hurt  and others have been in the wrong, I have swallowed my feelings - let it go when I could, at other times it festered into deep resentment.  I would apologise (even if it wasn’t my fault) so that nobody would get angry.  Resentment is a destructive and ugly emotion that eats away at any joy in your life.  It makes you bitter.   I have come to realize though that in order to live with conviction, I need to feel all the emotions that come my way and deal with them accordingly. 

I have never allowed myself to feel and deal with anger.  I grew up with an abusive father whose temper was so destructive that a raised voice, until recently, could shrivel me instantly.  It has taken me 39 years to allow myself to embrace anger as not only a necessary emotion, but also as a healthy one.  I have promised myself though that I will not allow it to destroy others as my father’s has.  I am still learning to include it in my repetoire and as with any new skill, there are times when it is exercised better than others.  I have had one episode of anger of which I am deeply ashamed because of the way it has made someone else feel.  I hope that my apologies and bumbled explanations have been enough to turn it into something constructive, but only time will tell. 

I have not turned into a raging lunatic, I am still just learning to moderate my responses.  Whereas previously I would have suppressed the emotion entirely and it became sadness or hurt, I now try to give it some perspective and if it’s anger I feel, I allow myself to go there.  It’s about giving back the baggage instead of carrying it!  I should’ve learnt this skill with my father years ago.

So far the philosophy is working well for me.  Mr Rocker has seen the impact that this new approach has had on me.  Our children have too, even if there’s a lot of teenage eye-rolling at the mention of passion!