The candles will burn out and the chocolate makes you fat.

Let's just get it out there - I hate the media.  Whilst it's all very useful for letting us know what's out there, a lot of what society believes is created and perpetuated by the media.  It has such a huge role in forming societal opinions yet takes no responsibility for it.  The whole skinny  model thing and the way it influences how we, as women, think we should look is just one example. This is a debate that I'm not going to get into right now because I know I will rant about this many, many times in the years to come as I stumble my way through the teenage years with my kids.

The idea of what romanticism is and means in my life is one that I have been mulling over quite a lot recently.  I have always been a hopeless romantic and have always given Mr Rocker a tough time because he hasn't lived up to the standards that I believe he should have.  Where have these standards come from, you may ask?  THE MEDIA. So the poor man has had to listen to me bitch and moan for the last 20 years that he's not romantic enough.  He doesn't buy flowers, he doesn't plan romantic dinners, he doesn't do candle-light unless there's a power cut and he certainly doesn't arrive bearing chocolate.  I really did believe that all that 'romantic' stuff was needed for us to show each other how special the other one is.  Glossy magazines, tv shows and chick flicks portray something very different to real life and I wanted that - if we weren't having the candle-lit dinners and bubble baths, we clearly weren't making enough of an effort. Never mind that we can't comfortably soak in our tub together!  It's not that we're too big, modern tubs are just too damn small!

What a totally stupid cow I've been.  While I've been whining about the way I think we should be behaving, I've totally missed the point.  You see, in all the ways that matter he is the most romantic man I know.  He works damn hard to provide for his family, he loves our children more than life itself and he loves me more than I could ever describe.  I had been looking for all the stereotypical manifestations of what romantic love is about, because that's what I had been led to believe, and each and every day, in countless ways, I am shown how much he loves me. He quietly, gently and unfailingly is there for me.  Through all my tantrums and emotional madness he's my rock and after all our years together he still wants me. No matter how this body is aging, he makes me feel like the sexiest woman alive.   I feel like a goddess and isn't that an awesome space to be in?

Facebook vs Flirting

I have a teenage son and I'm absolutely dumbstruck by how social interactions have changed since I was his age.  Gone are the days of plotting and scheming to get to see the object of your desire, gone are hushed phone calls behind bedroom doors, gone are the tongue-tied conversations between two young people.  


You see, modern technology has robbed our teenagers of all of that. Today, young people have unlimited access to each other by electronic means - social networking, texting and email.  They don't get to long for each other or miss each other's company because the other one is only ever a few keystrokes away.


I think they've been robbed.  I remember the excitement of waiting for the phone to ring each day when my boyfriend would call, being yelled at by my parents for the excessive phone bill and the hushed giggling while he hid from his parents' ears too.  My children will never know how that feels.  They will never know the sheer skin-tingling delight of flirting and longing.  


Electronic communication has a sense of safety to it because it's much easier to write something in a text message or email than to say those words aloud when you're an unsure teenager.  The flip side of this is that cyber-bullying and intimidation is rife.  Hurting each other's feelings is that much easier to do because you don't have to be brave and say the words to a human face.  An electronic screen doesn't cry or crumble when a heart is slowly breaking.  It feels no pain at confidence shattered.


How very sad.  

Okay, so I'm competitive

If you asked me if I'm a competitive person, I would probably say (very loudly) "NO".  Same would apply if you asked me if I'm a perfectionist, although this would probably be said rather defensively.  You see, I tend to see myself very differently to the way others see me.

One thing that I realised today though is that I constantly compare myself to other people.  My DH and I generally leave a social event and start discussing the other people in the car on the way home.  I'm always interested in his opinion and his analysis of situations, people etc.  I have come to realise though that for me, these are not discussions for discussion's sake but more an opportunity to size up all aspects of my life in comparison with others. 

You see, I have an obsession with knowing what the norms are and how I fit into those norms. Am I aging too quickly? Am I thinner/fatter than others? Am I intelligent enough? Am I good enough company? Is she adored by her man? How much sex does she get?  The list is endless. 

The lightbulb moment for me today was one of those in-the-queue moments.  I was in a queue in a store, the lady behind me asked me a question and I turned around to stare into the face of someone I knew many years ago.  It was great to see her after nearly 20 years, we chatted briefly, promised to make contact, as people do, and walked away.

By the time I had completed my business and driven back to my office, I had gone through quite a lengthy analysis of the encounter.  What I had actually done was size myself up against her.  Does she look younger than me?  Does she have a more interesting life?  Is she better dressed than I am?  Then I checked out her rings (surreptiously of course) to see if she had any interesting diamonds.   

The realisation of how ridiculous this is only hit me later in the day.  Why do I do this?  I wish I had the answer.  What I do know is that I am not dissatisfied with myself, my relationships, what I've achieved. I suppose realising that I am competitive is the first step.   Makes me sound like I lack confidence, which is not true.  Maybe I'm just competitive.

Still not ready to accept that I'm a perfectionist....

What is it about dancing?

I have to admit to absolutely and passionately loving to dance.

Not the strict ballroomey kind of stuff, but the hip-shaking, rhythmic, passionate kind.  I would love to learn to salsa but just don't have the time at this stage of my life. 

I cannot explain it other than to say there is something so erotic and sensual about moving in time with another body and of course you get to do it in public without being arrested for indecency!

All that gyrating and hip-swaying is also wonderful for the pelvis and a happy pelvis makes for a very happy goddess. Unfortunately opportunities to dance the night away come few and far between for most of us so when they do it's such fun.  I'm going dancing tomorrow night, best I dust off my shiny black stiletto's....and who knows what will happen later.

Sexy Sunday

Okay, this is not an original idea but I've enjoyed reading the responses on other blogs.  Each week there's a question posed and you can respond, or leave your comments.  This may be a bit risque for some so avoid these posts if you would prefer. 

My reasons for including these each week is not because I have voyeuristic tendencies, but I'd love to have women speaking openly and frankly about their sexuality.  I have been blog-surfing for a good while and while there are lots of blogs out there for moms and single women, there seem to be fewer forums for ordinary, perhaps married, perhaps older, maybe moms, in other words, women like me.  There is so much support for parenting, if you seek it, but very little open, frank discussion about women's sexuality, especially if you're over 25 and attached.  Believe me, if you start talking about sex on the web the weirdo's you get responses from can be downright frightening, so let's start a new trend, send me your comments (create an anonymous profile if you wish) and let's educate women that there's more to them than parenting.

This week's question is:
Things I wish my partner knew about what turns me on, and what doesn't.

This is a tough one for me because it's easy to list the things that turn me on but I don't really have a "that doesn't".  I'm not a specific trigger kinda girl but prefer to be in a perpetual state of horniness.  I love talking about sex and how I feel with my man and can spend entire days being ready to rock.  A big turn on for me though is the element of surprise.  We lead very routine, scheduled lives so surprise would be fantastic, and not necessarily in bed only!  The idea that someone has gone to the trouble to think about you without being prompted and has done something especially for you would definitely send my  pulse racing.   

Turn-offs?  Men who treat their partners badly.  No matter how attractive a man is, if he doesn't treat his partner like the queen bee, I immediately dump them to the bottom of the list of do-ables. There's nothing sexier than a man that knows how to treat a woman well - as his equal and as a valued partner, means he'll know what to do behind closed doors too.