Ladies, take over the porn industry, please!

The Rockers have an empty house, a sex drive that's recovering from a recent trauma, a home theatre with a massively big screen, comfortable rug, and unfortunately, with few exceptions- BAD porn.

Please guys, we need a league of women mobilised on a righteous crusade for more balanced porn. We all know that the biggest market out there is the male consumer, and that brings with it all the stereotypical male fantasies hard-coded into virtually every movie out there, mostly centred around domination (at best) and selfish male enjoyment, or borderline humiliation (at worst). And we all know (okay well at least I do) there is a fine line between taking control and dominating.  It's a fine line guys tread every day of their lives- when to take control, how hard to push and suggest, when to duck to avoid the incoming slap for having over-stepped the mark or face the ice hanging off the ceiling because you didn't read the signs and push hard enough.

It's not as if women don't like porn, they like it just as much as men, (amazing considering the crappy porn they are served up) and especially when it's enjoyed with their Significant Others. So then why is virtually all the porn out there so appallingly bad and scripted as if there would be not a woman on the other side of a screen trying to get her head around the logic or likely reality of every scene ending in a facial cum-shot? Consumerism is a bugger we're all stuck with, unfortunately,. But really guys, how about some BALANCE and maybe even a bit of REALITY and perhaps even acknowledgement that sex is a TWO WAY thing and women, on average, are more likely to actually enjoy considerably different scenarios to the ones played out in your average porn flick. Now I'm not suggesting that every porn movie be scripted around a dinner out with champagne and flowers, followed by tender candlelit love-making in an elegantly-decorated room. I think I know enough about women to know that they prefer their porn a little more upbeat than that, All I'm saying is how about depicting women genuinely enjoying themselves because they are in control of their own destiny and the centre of respectful, adoring attention, be that in a one-on-one situation, or something a little more... well, crowded. That simple formula, and more balanced ones like it, to my way of thinking is not a big ask. So why the hell hasn't somebody twigged that porn sales could practically double if you get it right? So I call to arms progressively-minded women who are sick of crappy egotistical porn, to take back what should be theirs too- A porn studio with balanced scripts, produced by women, not necessarily for women, but at the very least not against women.

So who's in?

Or put me out of me (and Mrs Rocker's) misery and tell me where all the good porn is. PLEEEAAASE!

The Rockers Need You.

Bloggers-block

He says...

Okay, I'm just putting it out there- the events of January so far (with the exception the delicious beach holiday at the beginning of it) have taken their toll on Mr Rocker too. In no particular order- the loss of my beloved booze-cruise drinking barge in a catastrophic flood on our beautiful river, a sick beloved family pet, loss of a key member of my staff to my arch business rival, difficulties with my father, and of course the gut-wrenching trauma of the empty nest and saying goodbye to our children and living through (particularly) our daughter's difficulties in settling into her new school life. Mr Rocker hasn't been rocking, and to top it all is on another bout of crazy travel that sees me home for just one weekend between now and the end of February. So much more than blogger's block, I'm suffering from EVERYTHING block.

Friends

She says...


As you may be aware, I am somewhat traumatised by the separation from my children.  Please save me from re-hashing all those horrible feelings all over again as I've had to do so through countless telephone calls and cannot stand to do so again.  Read my previous post and save me some tears.


The last two days though have gone a long way toward restoring my faith in friendship.  I have always valued my friends and treasured their time but as in most things these days, the demands of life have taken their toll on my relationships with my girlfriends.  We have not kept in touch as much as we should have and I'm always regretful that I don't make time for them. Fact is though that we're all as busy as each other and while we mean to stay in touch and really do mean it when we say "we must get together for a coffee/drink" etc, we generally allow our friendships to slide down to the bottom of the list because there are just too many demands on our time.  I find that the friendships that I am best at maintaining at the moment are those that I can read - friends who have blogs or who email.  This is not because I don't want to chat to my friends face-to-face but because either we're on opposite sides of the globe or because the first opportunity I get to chat is well after any respectable person's bedtime.  I am very grateful for my blog buddies who are in different time zones as it means they're available when I'm finally ready to chill and catch up.


Mr Rocker is away at the moment.  He's bringing home to the bacon as usual but it means that at a time when we're both emotionally fragile we're apart.   It is not of his own choice, believe me.  


The past few days have restored my faith in friendship.  I have had friends call me up and offer me a drink, dinner or a bit of company and I am very touched by their efforts.  I could be out every night for the next fortnight if I accept the invitations!  Either I still look totally crap with swollen eyes or they genuinely care.  At this stage I'm choosing to believe that they care.  Thank you dear friends for the calls and the emails. You make me feel less alone in the world and if all the good karma you're sending out works, my kids should be settled and happy at school very soon and the Rockers will be right back in the saddle.


Lesson learnt, if you let people love you or help you, they will be there for you. 

When Moms and Dads cry

She says....


We're back, feels like a lifetime ago since we locked up our house, loaded up our vacation things and set off on a family holiday.


We spent a glorious nine days on a beautiful, wild stretch of coast in South Africa.  We holidayed with our good friends, a family whose children were also due back at boarding school and a fun time was had by all. Fantastic walks and runs on the beach, way too much alcohol some (most) days and the view was simply stunning. To wake up to dolphins swimming just in front of the house is a real treat.


All too soon though, it came to an end and we had the daunting task of taking our children to school.  New, separate schools for both of them. This is scary in itself, now add the whole boarding school in another country into the equation and it's just damn terrifying.  Our children, who are 13 and 10, were absolute stars and faced this task with courage and fortitude, some trepidation of course, but on the whole you wouldn't find two more confident children.  Mom and Dad, too, with trepidation, and Mom certainly, with a whole lot less bravery.  


Why, you may ask, have we sent our children to boarding school?  The answer is simple, we live in Africa and sometimes the best schools are across the border.  South Africa has an excellent private school system to rival the top schools in many first world countries but in order to take advantage of this, our children have to board.  We will see them every three weeks in order to make this bearable for all of us.  Our teenager had no option as he is due to start high-schooling, our daughter, though, chose to go at the same time as her brother. They are close, despite the endless squabbling, and she couldn't bear to be left behind while he went off to this glamorous new lifestyle of flying home, being independent and experiencing all sorts of adventures.


The preparation for this change was the easy part, numerous trips to SA to purchase uniforms, interviews, checking lists, marking items of clothing etc. What we had no preparation for was the absolute torturous hell of leaving our kids there and driving away.  Our eldest, as you may have read, is a confident, savvy, teenage boy. He has taken this on the chin, seems to be having a good time and is settling well.  Our darling daughter, another story.  She is so young and so emotional.  I think that being a girl has added to the emotional rollercoaster.  I'm not saying that boys don't have emotions, I think that in the dead of night our son is as homesick as she is but she just cannot hide how she feels.


The tears started before we left and saying goodbye to her and driving away was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.  We said our farewells and Mr Rocker and I got into the car.  I've never cried so hard in my life.  We have spent the last three days living in a sort of funk where the hurt and absolute desperation to get back into the car and drive through the night to fetch them has been almost unbearable.  With Mr Rocker in the same painful space as me, I wish I could take his hurt away, but only time can do that. Being held in his arms has been my only comfort.  


In the rational part of my brain, the part got me through the dreadful separation and loneliness of 2010, I know that we are doing the best for our children - our home country simply does not have schooling of this calibre.  My heart though does not always listen to my brain and I am still trying to get it to catch up.  A sort of dull ache has settled in my chest and at times still overwhelms me.  The house is just so quiet (and tidy!) and the silence is driving me insane.  I am very, very grateful that I have a demanding job that awaits me and a new business that we can throw our all into, it's just the distraction and motivation (you should see the school fees!) that we need.


So, dear readers, the Rockers are not quite rocking.  We are still licking our wounds and trying to get our new, mostly-childless life on track.  

Reason for the silence...

Excuse us while we recharge our batteries...

Why we blog...

He says...

The Rocker's blog has been bouncing around, perhaps slowly assuming some common themes. We look around us and we see so many couples where the fire has gone out. The interest in each other has all but died, and with it the acknowledgement of themselves as sexual beings. At best, we see couples settling into a kind of passionless pragmatic coexistence of convenience. And we look at this and we question why couples are like that and why we are different and what did we do differently to be highly sexed and into each other in a very big way? So I guess, some of what we post relates to how we keep the Vixen's flames fanned and the Lion roaring.

We think that maybe we have something to say that may be important. We think that maybe if even one young couple read the bits of the blog and question where they are going in this life with each other they may be aware of the creeping lethargy, indifference and loss of passion and do something about it before its too late.

I don't enjoy blogging as much as I do examining the world of sexual politics from an oblique angle and deriving alternative viewpoints that sound like they've been fermented by a rabid feminist on a crusade to win back sexual rights and power, rather than a beer-swilling, testosterone-charged man such as myself. I've always suspected that I think a little differently to many, if not most men. My relationship quest has always been to find a way to live unselfishly, but in a way that still stokes the testosterone which defines me as healthily libidinous male. And I think I found that path to tread and its worked out well and results in me getting lots of great sex. Maybe what this blog is about too- thumbing my nose at my own ego, and encouraging other men to do so too. Learning how to wear it lightly and keep it where it doesn't detract from other people's quality-of-life and in so doing, even in a paradoxically selfish kind of way, maximises the pleasure of the male existence.