I hate the word "slut"

He Says...

We need to invent a new word.

In my humble opinion, one of the most maligned words in the English language is “slut”. It’s a word that is held back and only used in the most extreme of circumstances, when somebody reaches such deplorable levels of depravity, specially reserved for that most despised girl in the neighbourhood and office who fucks anything and anyone. A dirty girl, a whore. There is no male equivalent word, “male slut” doesn’t come anywhere near to having the same derogatory ring to it. Men who partake of and enjoy sluts, what do we call them? Nothing really. Just men!

There are few worse insults you can sling at a women, in her face or behind her back. And yet, as I go through life and learn, I think I start to understand that deep, deep down in many women, there is that carnal, instinctive need to be a wanton, uninhibited sex creature. A slut. More or less. To be possessed and to be spoiled and to be treated like an object of lust. To be spoiled by many men at once. Or whatever. Men generally don’t like to think of their loved ones as sluts, and they may even feel threatened by it. Through my own experience with Mrs Rocker, a heady, potent, exciting, sexual buzz is created by having the security and safety of trust and protection to let your loved one explore her slut-instinct. Safely and without fear of recrimination or most importantly- judgement. Freedom of the mind to explore the art of the possible. Mrs Rocker tells me it’s the Madonna-Whore complex.

If the world were a little more equitable, there wouldn’t be any such word as “slut”.

What the hell would I do with seven virgins?

He says...

I fly a lot. Too much in fact. I'm drafting this post on my 137^th flight of this calendar-year. I don't really like flying (which is unfortunate since I do so much of it) but at least if I'm not working on the plane, it gives me time to stare at the clouds and contemplate crackpot theories and oblique viewpoints, some of which find their way to places like this. I worry about stuff when I fly, not the least about terrorism. I worry even more though about the kind of world we live in, when I contemplate some of the motivations and rewards on offer for religious fundamentalist aspirant martyrs.

I know it's a complicated subject, and not to make light of a grave, cowardly and deadly practice which brings so much misery to the world, but it genuinely puzzles the crap out of me that the prospect of 7 (or whatever the number is) virgins in the paradise afterlife can be considered a potential reward for becoming a martyr. I've got no problem with generic sex being part of the incentive. We all know sex sells. But seven VIRGINS? What the hell would I do with seven of those? Frankly, you ain't gonna sell me the deal with even one virgin. I'm not even going to say “rather give me seven hot experienced women who know what they want”, because frankly, a FFFFFFFM group sex ratio, even with experienced women, is just all wrong. It's completely the wrong ratio. Seven dissatisfied women and one smug man? No thanks. (But I'll save the discussion on the relative merits of alternative ratios for another post maybe).

In the mean time, I've got nothing against virgins. Virgins please don't get offended, we all started somewhere. But virgins were meant for virgins. I have major issues with the fact that we live in a world where virgins are considered prize booty for worldly men who should really be fronting-up to the challenge of worldly women. And not just booty for becoming a martyr, there seem to be very dark, questionable and disturbing undertones of the prized status of virgins in many aspects of everyday life. I just don't get it. It's just so fundamentally, absolutely, unequivocally, 100% proof that we live in a fucked up world where men would prefer to own, bully, posses and hide their sexual ineptitude behind uncompromising domination of sexual politics and power. You've been robbed. The woman's voice is drowned out. What do their fairer-sexed martyr colleagues receive in the afterlife? 4 Adonis-like hunks to put them at the centre of adoring, pampering, gentlemanly, sensual attention to all of the many erogenous zones on a woman? Nah. Somehow I don't think that tender tastefully-executed MMFMM groupsex is on the cards for women who die for their beliefs, or even a different hunk every night, one-on-one- if that's your preference.

I wish I had more time to do research into the history of sexual politics in different cultures, because I have a sneaky suspicion that things didn't used to be so lop-sided. At some stage it all went wrong. A monumental, carefully-orchestrated, political smash and grab. The natural order of world was very deliberately subverted by a few very influential men. Women as equal sexual beings were robbed of their rightful place in the carnal sun. It completely bewilders me as to why men, somewhere along the line felt so threatened by sexual equality that they felt the need to screw with the natural order of things. I'll bet they were men with small penises.

Didn't the Pagans enjoy a considerably more even sexual political landscape? I think I'm gonna look into it. 

You've just driven off my list

She says..


Mr Rocker and I each have a list - people we find attractive and whom we could picture ourselves having a sexual encounter with were our circumstances different.  In other words, a really good perv. We can generally choose potential list members for each other and it's a source of much amusement to us both. "He'd make it onto your list" or "what number is she on your list" are common refrains.


Unfortunately, and don't ask me why, there seem to be fewer candidates for my list.  I believe it's because men don't feel that they need to take care of themselves to the extent that women do and as a result, because good grooming is an absolute minimum for me, fewer guys meet my standard.  Luckily for Mr Rocker though there seems to be far more eye candy.  One particular man is way up there, impeccably groomed, well-spoken, intelligent, yummy to look at and adores his wife.  The way a man treats the most important woman in his life is a major point scorer for me.  No matter how good-looking a man is, if he treats his partner disrespectfully, it's an absolute turnoff.


Anyway, back to my Drool no 1.  I was doing the school run this morning and passed him in the traffic.  There he was, driving the most beautiful car.  Now, don't forget that cars are one of my great passions.  I know it's not something that women generally know or care about, but it rates right up there in terms of desirable possessions as far as I'm concerned.  My head is often turned by the sight of a stunning car and having a yummy driver is just a bonus.  I thought I'd hit the jackpot this morning, Drool no 1 and a beautiful car, how lucky could I get?  He was also doing the school run, isn't he a nice guy, dropping his kids at school. We passed in the intersection and I went on my merry way to the office.  A few minutes later however (insert the sound of screeching brakes here), I thought "now hold on a moment here, something was wrong with that picture".


I know what car his wife drives.  It's an old car, seen lots of miles, is a little beaten up.  I don't have a problem with old cars, hell, we have a couple of those ourselves, but, he drives the new car while his wife, who does 90% of the school runs, fetches and carries kids to loads of activities drives a bulky old pickup.  That makes no sense to me.  He drives to his office, parks his car and there it stands, shiny and beautiful, waiting for his return.  His wife meanwhile, has probably spent a fair chunk of her day in her old pickup fetching children, doing the grocery run, fetching his drycleaning and generally getting a raw deal.  Why should this woman settle for second best when clearly she is in greater need of comfort and safety than he is?  Statistically she has a greater chance of being in an accident as she spends more time driving but the 6 airbags in the shiny new model are standing in the parking lot where they will offer her or their children no protection.  What kind of logic is that?  There is no logic, he just wants to be the good looking guy in the stunning car.  Makes me wonder what he's trying to compensate for?


Another couple we know astound me as much.  She is NOT ALLOWED to drive his luxury German sedan, not because she has a bad driving record, but because it's too expensive to fix if she has an accident.  What utter bullshit.  Women statistically have fewer accidents than men.  The bottom line, for me, is that her husband does not find her worthy of driving his expensive toy.  Bet he also doesn't believe that she is worthy of being his equal.  If a family can afford the expensive car, they can afford to fix it , regardless of who breaks it.


So, here's the crunch.  Drool no 1, you drove yourself off my list.  I no longer consider you to be worthy of turning my head because you are disrespectful of your wife, you have denied her the privilege of luxury that would make a huge difference to her quality of life on a daily basis because you're selfish and selfish does not a good lover make.


PS.  I drive the newest and safest car in our household because I spend more time driving than Mr Rocker and I get to enjoy the sheer indulgence of my baby every time I slip behind the wheel.  Guess who is also not a selfish lover?

This is why I love Sting

She says...

"Sting wants to be your sex slave- The former Police frontman wishes he could be an erotic slave in a world run by women. The musician - who is famous for practicing tantric sex - said: "I'll say the standard misogynist thing, I don't like women drivers very much, but I prefer to live in a world run by women. I just take my hat off to a superior form.

“I'm very comfortable with the idea of women being superior in many different fields. The way they navigate the world is something I admire. All this striving for machismo power, it's f***ed up. We'd be better off if it was run as a family. I'd be happy being a sex slave in that kind of society and write the odd song."

He says

This weekend the Rockers found themselves at a wedding. (But only after a major logistical effort to get there given our crazy life. Mr Rocker flies on Friday night from City A to City B in Country C, Mrs Rocker and brood drive from City D in Country E to City F in Country C and then fly to City B, we all meet up at the airport, though Mrs and Brood are 3 hours delayed, then we do the whole thing in reverse on Sunday and we are now once again in separate countries. Such is our life.)

At this wedding, even if I do say so myself, we were quite a fetching couple, we stay in shape without being ridiculous about it, we are well groomed and we dress well.

Without leering or ogling around the venue, I noticed at a stage that I had the immense privilege of having the hottest date at the wedding, i.e. Mrs Rocker. Even the bride exclaimed upon seeing Mrs R “OMG! You are so hot!”. I've learnt over many years, often the hard way, the value and importance of regular compliments to making your partner know that she is the supreme goddess. But now here was a poser- how to break it to her that of all the women in the venue, my wife was the most desirable and would be the most sought-after to have in your bed, and that many men at the wedding would be imagining exactly that. To put it in more basic terms, Mrs Rocker was by far the most fuckable girl there.

This is what I needed to tell her, there was simply no other way to really say it, and in any case I have a sneaky feeling that being the most deliciously fuckable girl in the room is really EXACTLY what women want to to be. In addition to being treasured and looked after, you also want to be DESIRED, but I think that fact is reluctantly admitted to by nice girls.

So to take your girl quietly aside and whisper in her ear the telling facts regarding where she rates amongst her fellow revellers in the fuckability stakes, can be a bit of a risk. But I figured the setting was elegant, there was a warm ocean breeze dusting gently over the tasteful and immaculately laid-out tables and so I figured my stark but elegantly whispered statement would be conveniently padded by someone else's effort at creating a romantic setting. Mrs Rocker took it very well, and I saw her surveying the venue somewhat. While she didn't dispute it immediately, later on she pointed out all the young beautiful girls. What about them?

“Ah, but they're not fuckable in the least bit” I truthfully told her.

“Yeah right”.

“They aren't”

“Yeah right”

And so on. So I tried to explain why young girls are not fuckable from my perspective, and I probably made a hash of it, so I'm trying again...

Why? Because they are too young! Now I'm quite able to appreciate youthful 25-year old beauty when I see it, but I absolutely freeze in reluctant terror at the thought of being responsible for the sexual growth and adventure of a 25 year old and taking that on as a project at this stage of my life. That job is best left to their fellow 25 year-old wet-behind-the-ears rock-hard (yes older ladies, they have their uses, it's justifiable for YOU to shop outside the age group!) eager young men. Let them be blissful in their mutual sexual ignorance. Let them grow and discover together and progress to that delicious sexual awareness and appreciation that hits home somewhere in your thirties. But please, leave me out of it, I've had my turn. Call me a lazy ass, but I really couldn't be bothered to take that project on. How do you convince a 25 year old who's head is still full of what church, mom and the media taught her, that it's okay to question the nice-girl vanilla missionary norms and that clits and lust were given to you for a very good reason? Answer? You don't! You stay away.

To me, it's cretinous to look down the age groups and lust after the barely post-nubiles, stupidly ignoring all the true delights on offer closer to age-parity. The media contention that lusting after nubiles is hard-coded into us thanks to evolution is just a convenient excuse as far as I'm concerned. Chasing woolly mammoths and clubbing them to death was also hard-coded into us, but with the help of the modern supermarket, we conveniently unlearned it. So then why do men REALLY behave like idiots and lust after younger women? I believe it's because we feel threatened by sexually informed and empowered older women. Men would far rather opt for somebody lower down on the learning curve so their sexual short-comings aren't exposed. So next time you see the older, well-to-do man with the younger trophy-partner on his arm - think “Lousy, lazy lover! Good riddance!” When I see it, I don't get envious, I rub my hands with glee at the anticipation that somewhere out there there is another switched-on, turned-on, tuned-in older woman who knows exactly what she wants, but he couldn't give it to her. I'd rather front-up to the bigger challenge of taking on a highly sexual, somewhat hedonistic, sexually calculating, knows-nearly-exactly-what-she-wants sexy thirty-something Mrs Rocker every day of the week.

So that, Mrs Rocker, is why you were the most deliciously fuckable girl at the wedding. Do I make myself clear now?

Let's give the man a place to air his views

For those of you who have been reading my blog and following others where I comment regularly, you will notice that there has been a slight change in the title and description of this blog. 

You see, Mr Rocker is a regular contributor to most of the the same blogs and clearly he has a lot to say - so I invited him to join me and we will jointly write this blog.  Our separate entries will be started by "He says" or "She says" so that you'll know whose opinions are whose. 

I'm very excited about this because it's always great to hear the male perspective on some many issues that affect couples today and besides, I really enjoy his writing style. I'd make him write his own blog but at this stage, our schedules are so hectic that at least this way we both get to write and share our views.  We hope that you'll enjoy this change and keep the comments coming.

Fit, healthy and well-loved

Why is it that we obsess about our body shapes to the extent that we do?  I can't think of a single day in my adult life that I have not looked at myself critically and thought "ooh, these bits need attention" or "man, these arms are flabby", never mind "is my backside really that big?"  


Now, to put it into perspective for those of you who are never likely to see me in the flesh (fully-clothed, I promise) - I am a tall woman by any country's standards, I wear a British size 14 (have no idea what that means to the Americans or Canadians reading) and am certainly not fat.  My BMI has me in the healthy range and I am fit.  By fit I mean that I am able to do (and do, 4 times a week) a full hour's weight and cardio workout, a full hour of high impact aerobics and can mountain bike 25km or walk 30km.  I am also the mother of 2 children and am, unfortunately, nearly middle-aged.


Last night I was at bookclub.  Our members are generally 40+ years old and come from varied backgrounds.  All very intelligent and go-getter kind of women that I am proud to know.  Except for one.  There we are, eating a very healthy and balanced meal, all in very reasonable proportions, a few glasses of wine, when one bright spark refers to myself and the friend seated to my right as "fat people".  Well, I nearly fainted.  Once I had managed to lift my jaw back to it's rightful place and pull my arm down from slapping her and restraining my neighbor, I just stared in shock.  Here is someone who knows me, knows how all the women seated around the table juggle parenting, careers, work travel and relationships, yet she still judges us on the basis of how we look!? 


Is it any wonder then that we girls are so critical of our own bodies?  If people who know how difficult it is to fit good nutrition (as it's more time-consuming that take-out), enough exercise and grooming (who the hell has the time left for regular facials, manicures and hair removal?) into our hectic lives can judge us, what hope is there? If we can't cut each other some slack and be more realistic about women's bodies, how can we expect others to do so?  The world really does seem to only want perfection.  Little wonder that I'm a bit of a rebel....

A weekend away with my blogging buddies?

The writer of one of the blogs I follow wrote a post about a weekend away with fellow bloggers. They had met face-to-face eventually and were going off for a fun weekend which included their spouses.  Sounds fun and I'm sure they had a wonderful time.  

Got me thinking about the blogs I follow on a regular basis and what would happen if we all got together for a weekend. You see, they're mostly from the Mommy blogging-world and tend to have a lot in common.  My blog "pen-pals" on the other hand are from such varied backgrounds that, besides the distances that separate us, I wonder what it would be like to meet you all in person.  One thing's for sure, we won't be drinking tea and eating cupcakes. The other thing I know for sure is that there is bound to be lots of stimulating conversation.  Our profiles are so varied that I wonder if, without the anonymity that we all hide behind, we would have anything in common?  About the only common thread I can find at this stage is sex.  Isn't that exciting?  Far better than shitty nappies and who has how many teeth! 

The Questioning Man

I haven't posted in a while because I've been too busy surfing the web and reading the opinions of others.  It's been such fun and my questioning mind has been so satisfied with what I'm reading that I have hadn't much to question or comment on.


To my delight, I have encountered some great male bloggers - it's fantastic to get the male perspective on a range of topics.  Most especially, sex.  These are not men purely out to get what they want, they have a genuine concern for the women in their lives and feel a responsibility for their satisfaction.  Growing up in a conservative, paternalistic country, this has been an eye-opener for me.  I thought I was lucky enough to catch a fantastic husband, but there are all these other guys out here who think as liberally as Mr Rocker!  What a wonderful world it could be if most men thought like these men.  More women would be orgasmic (hallelujah, Sister), there'd be less abuse and less whining from dissatisfied women.  A win-win all round. Go on guys, keep writing and start a revolution!